Blocked (Boston Terriers Hockey #3) - Jacob Chance Page 0,44
gauge your reactions for myself.”
“What are you hoping to accomplish by having this discussion?” I need to know what his real motive is.
“I miss you and our friendship. I guess I’m hoping we can hang out sometimes.”
My pulse jumps and I draw in a long, slow breath, reminding myself to stay calm. He said he wants to be friends, not that he wants to rekindle anything romantic. And if he did, would I give him another chance?
I hear Clover’s words from earlier marching through my mind. “Think of this as a fresh start. Maybe it’s time for you to stop hating Shaw. Besides, we both know you don’t really hate him. You still care, so don’t bother denying it.”
I do care—I care about him too much. No matter how I’ve tried to displace Shaw from my heart, there’s a part that stubbornly holds on to him and would welcome him back with open arms.
“I just told you that I want to be friends again and you don’t have anything to say?” His frustration is obvious.
“I’m sorry. I was thinking.”
“If you don’t want to, then just speak up. I’m a big boy. I promise I can take it.”
My eyes drift from one side of his chest to the other, taking in the wide breadth. He’s grown so much since we were together. He was still a boy then, and now he looks like a full grown man.
What would it feel like to be held in those large arms? Or to lie against his solid chest?
I can’t stop the unbidden thoughts from flying through my mind, like a plane towing a message banner. He looks sexier than ever. Like I haven’t noticed.
“Okay, I guess your silence is my answer.”
“No,” I raise my voice. “I was still lost in my thoughts. Whether I let you back into my life or not isn’t a decision I want to make lightly. If we’re going to be friends, you have to promise me that Marshall won’t know anything I tell you. If I want him to know something, then I’ll tell him myself.”
“I can make that promise. Marshall and I aren’t like a couple of gossiping school girls. We don’t talk about plenty of things.”
“That’s good. I’m off limits for discussion topics. And if he mentions me, you can tell him that whenever we’ve bumped into each other I’ve seemed happy.”
His eyes trail over my face, as if he’s looking for something. “Are you, though?”
“Happy?” I ask, and he nods. “For the most part. I mean, who’s happy all the time?”
“Are you glad you transferred to B.U.?”
I smile. “I am. I’m only sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I had a boyfriend, and I let him convince me to stay. I was ready to transfer at the end of last year.”
“Are you guys still together?” He leans forward, as if what I’m about to say is important, like he doesn’t want to miss my answer.
“No. We broke up in November, but he still tried to talk me into staying at U.N.H.”
“I’m glad you didn’t listen. It’s nice having you here.”
“He wanted things to be more serious than I did.”
“I know what that’s like. I actually had a similar situation myself.” Knowing he was with someone burns like a ring of fire in my stomach. I didn’t expect him to remain single or celibate, but hearing him confirm my suspicions hurts.
Our order number is called out. Shaw jumps to his feet. “I’ve got this.”
I don’t react. I’m still stunned at his admission and torn up about him being with someone else. How many girls has he been with? Halfway through his junior year, I’m imagining he’s had his fair share of sex. And probably with more partners than I can or want to fathom.
You weren’t sitting around waiting for him either, I remind myself.
Shaw sets our tray down in the middle of the table like a trained waiter. “I’m impressed you didn’t spill our drinks,” I tell him.
“I did some waiting on tables when I first got to college.” He grins, sitting down once again.
Removing my soda from the tray, I raise the straw to my lips, taking a sip of the ice cold beverage. “Do you work now?”
He finishes chewing his sandwich bite before replying. “I work for an online service.”
“That’s a vague answer if I ever heard one. You could be doing just about anything for them.”
“I chat with single women and get paid by the minute.”
“What?” I squawk, my mouth half full of