Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman Page 0,99

so deep I felt like my body was about to vanish right then and there. No, my husband the Ice Man said flatly, Spain doesn’t interest me. I’m sorry, but it’s just too hot and dusty. And the food’s too spicy. And I already bought our tickets to the South Pole, and a fur coat and fur-lined boots for you. We can’t let those go to waste. We can’t just back out now.

To tell you the truth, I was frightened. If we went to the South Pole, I felt sure something terrible was going to happen to us. I had the same awful dream night after night. I’m walking somewhere when I fall into a deep hole. Nobody finds me and I freeze solid. I’m frozen inside the ice, gazing up at the sky. I’m conscious but can’t even move a finger. It’s such a weird feeling. With each passing moment I’m becoming part of the past. There is no future for me, just the past steadily accumulating. Everybody is watching this happening to me. They’re watching the past, watching as I slip further and further away.

Then I wake up and find the Ice Man sleeping beside me. He makes no sound as he sleeps, like something frozen and dead. I love him, though. I start to cry, my tears wetting his cheeks. He awakens and holds me close. I had an awful dream, I tell him. In the darkness he slowly shakes his head. It was only a dream, he says. Dreams come from the past, not from the future. Dreams shouldn’t control you—you should control them.

You’re right, I say—but I’m not at all certain.

So we ended up taking a plane to the South Pole. I couldn’t find a reason to call off our trip. The pilots and stewardesses in our plane barely said a word the whole way. I was hoping to enjoy the scenery as we flew, but the clouds were so thick I couldn’t see a thing. Before long, the windows were covered with a thick film of ice. All this time, my husband just quietly read a book. I felt none of the usual excitement and happiness you feel as you set out on a trip, merely the feeling that we were fulfilling what we’d set out to do.

As we walked down the ramp and first set foot at the South Pole, I could feel my husband’s whole body tremble. It all happened in the blink of an eye, in half an instant, and his expression didn’t change a jot, so no one else noticed. But I didn’t miss it. Something inside him sent a quiet yet intense jolt through him. I stared at his face. He stood there, looked up at the sky, then at his hands, and then let out a deep breath. He looked over at me and smiled. So this is where you wanted to come? he asked. That’s right, I replied.

I knew the South Pole was going to be a lonely place, but it turned out to be lonelier than anything I could have imagined. Hardly anyone lived there. There was just one small featureless town, with one equally featureless hotel. The South Pole isn’t much of a tourist destination. There weren’t even any penguins, not to mention any aurora. Occasionally I’d stop passersby and ask where the penguins were, but they’d merely shake their head. They couldn’t understand my words, so I’d end up sketching a penguin on a piece of paper to show them, but all I got was the same response—a silent shake of the head. I felt so alone. Step outside the town and all you saw was ice. No trees, no flowers, rivers, or ponds. Ice and nothing but—a frozen wasteland as far as the eye could see.

My husband, on the other hand, with his white breath, frosty fingers, and faraway look in his icicle eyes, strode tirelessly here and there. It wasn’t long before he learned the language and spoke with the locals in hard, icy tones. They talked for hours, intense looks on their faces, but I didn’t have a clue what they could be talking about. My husband was entranced by the whole place. Something about it appealed to him. It upset me at first, and I felt like I was left behind, betrayed and abandoned.

Finally, though, in the midst of this silent, icy world, all strength drained out of me, ebbing away bit by bit. Even, in the end, the strength