Blacklisted (Loveless, Texas #3) - Jay Crownover Page 0,53
feel like an idiot.” She let out an unsteady breath and her bright green gaze finally met mine. “All my life I’ve been the smartest person in the room. It’s the one thing that has always set me apart. I’m not good with people, or social interactions. I’m not warm and friendly like Kody is. I’m not outgoing and fun to be around. But I am smart. So why did I do something so stupid like let my guard down while I was out in public? I knew I was provoking Ashby. I knew I was purposely trying to force her to make a move, and yet I got caught up in being with friends and family. And look what happened.” Her grip tightened on my wrist and her eyes once again got glassy and sad looking, which made my heart twist painfully inside my chest. “When I try to live my life, I almost lose it.”
“Stop it. That’s not fair to you or anyone else. No one was acting stupid—you were all acting how you should act when you’re together in a place that feels safe and surrounded by friends and family. Being smart has nothing to do with it. There was a deputy parked in the parking lot and he didn’t notice anything amiss. Harris was watching the door and he didn’t pick up on a threat. Kody, Aspen, and Della all know what’s going on with you and Ashby, and none of them were on alert because they were enjoying your company and not thinking about there still being a threat. You are allowed to have a good time, Presley. You are allowed to build relationships with people. Don’t let this woman who’s after you be the most important person in your life anymore.”
She shook her head slightly, and I slid my hand to the side of her neck. I could feel her pulse fluttering delicately under my fingers. She let go of my wrist and shifted her grip to the front of my faded black T-shirt. I don’t know if she meant to, but she pulled me closer, which made ignoring her state of undress nearly impossible. The gentle swell of her breasts above the knot of her towel might’ve been the most tempting sight I’d ever encountered. I wasn’t exactly known for controlling my baser impulses, but I would try…for her.
She didn’t need me lusting after her while she was vulnerable and uncertain. She needed me to remind her even the darkest of nights gave into the dawn, that no matter how bleak things seemed, they wouldn’t always remain that way. Thinking that way had gotten me through some of the worst deployments any man could imagine. It was also the mind-set that helped me survive my childhood. I knew growing up under my old man’s thumb wouldn’t be forever, and eventually I could break free, go out, and be a better man than he was.
“What if it had been Kody who ended up with her drink drugged? What if that man had succeeded in getting one of us out of the bar? Any one of us could have ended up kidnapped, assaulted, or worse. None of that would be a possibility if I hadn’t come crashing into the Lawtons’ lives. How can they be so nice and supportive when all I’ve brought them is trouble? I would hate me if I was in their shoes.”
I chuckled and palmed the back of her head, pulling her forward so she could bury her tear-stained face in the center of my chest.
“No, you wouldn’t. You don’t have it in you to hate. And the Lawtons know good from bad. Their old man made sure of it. They aren’t the type to turn their backs on someone who clearly needs the love and protection of a family. And neither are you. Which is why you’re so damn worried about something happening to someone else because of you. None of this is your fault, Presley.” I felt like I’d said it a thousand times in a hundred different ways, but she still refused to believe me. She was going to let guilt crush her and use it to push everyone who wanted to get close to her away.
That would happen over my dead body.
I threaded my fingers through her silky hair and pulled her head back so she had no choice but to look up at me. I lowered my head slightly so we were eye to eye and