Blacklisted (Loveless, Texas #3) - Jay Crownover Page 0,28

me forget to be afraid and lonely.

“You know you can always call me if you’re lonely while Hill is gone.” I knew how dark and heavy loneliness could be. The weight of it could be crushing.

Kody gave me a grin that was unmistakably grateful as she moved away to help a customer tapping on an empty glass a few seats down. After she poured the beer and took another order, she moved back to where I was sitting. “Hill says we spend a lot of time alone together. We were both independent, driven people before we got together. Each of us had our own plans and ideas about what the future should look like. I was worried when we made things official and moved in with one another it’d get annoying being constantly in each other’s space. Shockingly, we ended up fitting together seamlessly. It’s like we already knew how to move around one another, and move with each other. I do really miss him when he’s gone, but I try not to tell him that too often. I don’t want him to worry. There are times that I’ve felt like I’ve had to relearn how to be by myself.”

I took the glass of water she set in front of me. I didn’t want to make light of the fact that she was showing a shockingly vulnerable part of herself. She was prickly and thorny, but underneath that armor she had a very soft center. “Well, we can be alone together as well. I spent most of my life alone, so I’m the opposite of you. I’m having to relearn how to be around others and not take for granted the fact that people actually want my company.”

Kody let out a boisterous laugh like I was joking and asked me if I wanted to order something to eat, since it was dinnertime. It was an obvious tactic to change the subject, so I told her I’d already grabbed something with one of my former colleagues when I’d gone to tell my old boss I was ready to accept the promotion they’d been holding for me.

“You’re really going back to work?” She seemed surprised by my decision but not discouraging.

Then Kody motioned for one of her staff to come behind the bar so she could take a seat next to me on one of the vintage bar stools. The Barn, her honky-tonk bar on the outside of Loveless’s city limits, was an old horse barn she had refurbished from the ground up. The place was a mix of country-western and boho chic. It had its own vibe that was totally Kody, and lately business had been booming. When I first met her, she admitted she was struggling and the only reason the bar stayed afloat was because she had a business agreement with the Sons of Sorrow. When Hill reentered her life, she’d cut those ties and had to figure out how to survive on her own. Step-by-step she was making it, and even though our relationship was new, I felt incredibly proud of her.

I traced a finger down the wet side of the glass in front of me and responded, “Someone told me if I really wanted to push Ashby to make a move, I needed to live my life as if she was inconsequential. Her ultimate goal was to take everything away from me, and that’s exactly what I let her do by hiding out and pushing everyone away. What I ultimately want is justice. I want justice for Conrad, for my mother, and for myself. I worked my ass off for that promotion. I deserved it, then and now. Why should I let her win?”

Kody nodded aggressively in agreement. “It’s brave to go back knowing it might trigger retribution and put you in danger.”

I sighed and turned my head to look at her. “I told them that I couldn’t be directly involved in handling any evidence or official rulings until Ashby is behind bars. I want her convicted of tampering with my previous cases so there is zero question as to whether or not I’m qualified to handle any case that comes my way. For now, I’m going to supervise the existing staff, handle some consulting for the bigger offices that are understaffed around the state, and do some guest lecture spots at different universities.” I was also going to dig deeper into my mother’s murder. I was still the only one who questioned the how and the