Black Keys (The Colorblind Trilogy #1) - Rose B. Mashal Page 0,154

my mind and my heart, because it wasn’t good for me: ‘us’ was impossible and just plain wrong. And my heart always shouted at me, “You shouldn’t.”

It was easier to stick to what Joseph had said: in the kingdom, I fell in love with the Crown Prince and we got married, then I decided to stay there. I added my own lines though: I told whoever cared enough to ask and whomever I cared enough to tell that we’d talked online for months before I left, and that I hadn’t told anyone because we both didn’t want the media to know. We’d had a cozy and warm wedding, and I came back to have a few tests done, and take care of things regarding the company that I didn’t want Joseph to have to do all alone. My husband didn’t come with me because he had lots of responsibilities he couldn’t get away from. It wasn’t all lies. And if anyone found any part of it to be unbelievable, I really didn’t care. At all.

One day, I asked my grandfather, “Papa, what’s one of the hardest things in life?” and he told me, “To lose something that was so good, and then find so many things that keep reminding you of how you don’t have it anymore.”

Home didn’t feel like home. Comfort wasn’t anywhere to be found. I didn’t feel as safe as I’d thought I would feel. I only slept when my eyes were too dry to produce more tears. And when I woke up, I was about to call Mona’s name, only to remember she wasn’t anywhere around. It brought tears to my eyes.

Just thinking about getting out of bed almost had me on my knees on the bathroom floor. I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to go to sleep and maybe be able to dream again. Of him. It was so hard to believe that just a little over two days ago I was in his arms, hearing his heartbeat and inhaling his sweet scent. And now...I had none of that. Not him, not his closeness, not his warmth, and not the comfort only he was able to make me feel.

I couldn’t eat the pancakes my housekeeper made me for breakfast on Monday morning. I couldn’t drink my coffee without wondering if Mazen had had his tea for the morning already or not. Remembering the first morning after the wedding, how I’d thought we didn’t like to have same drink in the morning, and how we didn’t have that in common. I couldn’t believe how shallow I was just a week ago. It was actually embarrassing.

“Morning, Brad,” I greeted him with a nod.

“Miss Archer,” he nodded his head, “good morning.”

“Follow me to my office, please,” I said. Inside the office that was in my house, I told him what I needed him to do.

Brad had been my bodyguard since I started going to college, and was someone I trusted with my life–obviously. But Joseph was able to convince me that I couldn’t bring him to the kingdom, because it was rude. I didn’t get it, but he was able to convince me that we would be protected by the royal guards. Despite how much I didn’t like that, and how much Brad himself didn’t like it either, I still did what Joseph told me. Because I trusted him. Because I was a fool.

“Miss Archer, are you sure you want to do this?” Brad asked. I could sense the disbelief and confusion in his voice.

“Positive,” I said, and when I was sure he would do everything I’d asked for as planned, I went to the company’s headquarters.

One day, I asked my grandfather, “Papa, what’s one of the hardest things in life?” and he told me, “When someone you love dies–but only in your eyes.”

“Is Joseph free?” I asked Terri as I handed her my briefcase.

“He’s in a meeting that should end in five minutes,” she replied.

“Good. Which room?”

“Conference room three.” I headed there right away, after telling her not to inform him I was there, Brad following right behind me.

The wait wasn’t long, my thoughts kept me too busy to feel any kind of boredom as I waited for him to finish his meeting. I pulled the end of the sleeve of my white suit jacket, straightening it, making sure I looked as confident as possible, because I knew I couldn’t show him how broken I really was, couldn’t show him just how much damage he