Black Keys (The Colorblind Trilogy #1) - Rose B. Mashal Page 0,132

papers?” I tried to circle around the idea, hoping that he’d tell me what was occupying his thoughts this way on his own.

“I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“I don’t mind.” he said, and the words “my thoughts” were his answer.

“Your thoughts?”

“Yes.”

“Why write them down on paper if they were in your head?” I smiled, the space between my eyebrows wrinkling in confusion.

“Because they seem clearer that way, Princess,” he smiled back as he answered. “You have no idea what a huge mess my mind is nowadays, and I really want to do the right thing regarding everything and…everyone,” he said.

I put a hand under my chin and leaned my elbow on the arm of the couch, looking deeply into his eyes. “What’s bothering you so much?” I asked.

The prince sighed again. “Lots of things, too many to count, but what worries me the most is Janna.”

“Oh! But we were just informed that she landed safely,” I reminded him, though I doubted he’d forgotten that.

“It’s not only about that. Princess Janna is...troubled,” he said, and I realized he didn’t want to tell me about her suicide attempt.

“She’s been through a lot; she has all the right to be.” I said.

“I know, I just...worry about her a lot,” he told me. “She’s my baby sister.”

“You’re a wonderful brother.”

“Am I?” he asked. “Why do I feel like I’ve failed her then?”

“Failed her? How come? You gave up lots of things for her,” I reassured him, surprising myself, but blaming it at the same time for being so stupid when I thought for a split second that he could even think of killing her–and then actually accusing him of doing it.

“I don’t know, Princess,” he started. “We’ve been best friends since forever. When I had to leave for school and couldn’t keep my eye on her like I had before, we talked every day on the phone. The last few months before I came back, she seemed different, but I didn’t dwell on it. I should’ve known better. I can’t help but feel as if I couldn’t protect her well enough. If I’d been here, none of this would’ve happened to her,” he paused, his eyes focused on mine. “But I believe God has a plan and everything happens for a reason; I simply can’t feel at ease about it, is all.”

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened,” I said, my chest aching just thinking of the possibility of never meeting him if things weren’t the way they were right now.

“I feel like...if I’d been here, if I’d talked to her more, if I hadn’t made her feel so bad about what she’d done; she wouldn’t…” He sighed, and I understood that he seriously wasn’t going to tell me about what had happened. I wondered if it was a trust issue, or because he didn’t want me to feel guilty about it. I decided it must be the latter, since he was already sharing so much with me, something that made me want to hug him tight and never let go.

“Last night was...it was really bad, Princess. I might’ve lost her for good, something I would never be able to live with. She was so depressed, so broken. But then we talked...and I saw it right before my eyes as she brightened, as if talking to me was all she needed to feel better, to think better. Though I’m happy I got her to see things more clearly, I’m devastated that I didn’t do it long ago, and that I actually punished her by giving her the cold shoulder, making her feel as if I’d cut her out of my life.”

I felt so sad for him, for her, for everything. I wished I could make it better, but...I’d actually made it worse, or at least caused them lots of trouble they didn’t need on top of everything else they were already going through. I wanted to help, and I actually realized that I wanted to stay–six months wouldn’t be so bad.

I could make it, I told myself. But a part of me knew I wasn’t going to do it only for Janna’s sake, but for mine as well. The same part wondered what would happen when the six months ended and I would have to go back to the States, leaving him behind and never seeing him again.

The thought was disturbing.

“And then there’s Yoseph,” the prince continued. “I keep asking myself if it was the right thing to have her leave the