Bitter Kisses (It's Just High School #3) - Thandiwe Mpofu Page 0,66
question still rings clear, however, what is going on here?
We need answers.
Chapter Nineteen
Julian
A week later
Have you ever felt so agitated, powerless, out of sorts and on the verge of losing your fucking sanity all in one breath? Up until now, I can’t say I have.
But now, now I know how chaotic and senseless emotions are. How they make you lose your fucking mind. How they twist you up inside and nothing, not even common sense and rationality can calm you down.
That’s me in a fucking nutshell and I’m fucking tired of it, I might fucking disintegrate.
I’m sitting on a godforsaken gurney, staring intently at the door as anxiety slams in my chest, being prodded every which way.
“Julian, please follow the light...” the doctor repeats, almost exasperated with me, and I finally snap.
“I don’t have a fucking concussion!”
A frustrated sigh sounds from across the room. From the corner of my eye, I see Dad standing up. There isn’t much tell of his stress except for his slightly ruffled hair and a loose tie, but other than that, the man looks like he’s on his way to a fucking board meeting. But I know better, he’s fucking stressed and I’ve already died a thousand deaths with all this waiting.
“Come on, Julian, he’s just doing his job,” he says quietly.
“No, he’s not!” I snap, looking at the doctor now. “Because if he was, he’d have told me what I want to know by now!”
“Doctor-patient confidentiality, man,” Liam grumbles from where he’s leaning on the wall, looking hellishly pissed. “He can’t tell you anything.”
“He can’t or he won’t,” I demand, looking directly in the doctor’s eyes. “Which is it?”
I’m too furious to be delicate or to ask nicely, which usually works, but not now. Not with this.
“Mr. Fitzgerald,” the doctor starts with a sigh. “Your brother is right. I honestly can’t tell you anything about the condition of Miss. Montague, even if I wanted to.”
“I’m not asking for details, doc, I just want to know if…” I trail off, too choked up to continue. I don’t even know what to say but each time I close my eyes, I swear I see her. Cold, pale and lifeless in my fucking arms.
Doc sighs heavily and steps back from me.
“I know you’re concerned, you all are, but I can’t talk about it.”
“You don’t fucking understand, she’s everything to me!” I seethe, the thing in my chest pounding so hard I can feel it in my fucking throat. “You need to tell me.”
The poor bastard looks away and then he looks at my father.
“Well, the truth is, we’ve all been banned from talking about Miss. Montague’s medical condition to anyone, especially with the press all over this story like flies.”
“We’re not fucking press,” Liam steps in. “Just tell us.”
The man sighs. “I might get into serious trouble by telling you this but since I’ve known you boys since you were knee high, I’ll tell you this.” I brace myself for the news. “She’s in a coma.”
My fucking soul sinks back into the depths of hell.
“What?” Liam demands. “A coma, like people who are dead in the brain? You know, the veggie people?”
I saw the nasty bash to her head. My Little Minx sustained multiple injuries and trauma. What else was I fucking expecting?
“Well, not quite. There’s no way of telling at the moment unless she wakes up.”
“Then wake her up! Don’t doctors put people in comas and then wake them the fuck up?”
“Liam! Watch your mouth,” Dad snaps.
“Well, that’s somewhat true but in this case, Miss. Montague is in a self-induced coma. It’s her body’s own way of fighting to stay alive and heal and honestly, that’s a positive sign.”
A positive sign or just delaying the inevitable?” I mumble uselessly, darkness creeping into my head all over again, filling it with ‘what ifs’
What if I had got to her in time?
What if I had protected her better?
What if I had showed her my fucking love and believed her when she told me the fucking truth that day?
What if I wasn’t such an angry asshole who believes the worst in people? The worst in her?
“Son, you can’t think like that,” Dad mumbles. “Her body is healing.”
Yeah, her beautiful, battered and fragile body is fighting to stay alive. She wants to stay alive… and I want to die for putting her in that coma. I fucking deserve it.