Bitter Kisses (It's Just High School #3) - Thandiwe Mpofu Page 0,100
you! That bullet was mine and you just…”
I trail off, falling silent as the replay of that night plays in my head.
She stirs in my arms restlessly. Unable to stop myself, I stroke her from her hair to her back as she lies half on top of me. Over and over I stroke her softly, patting her the best way I can so she can feel safe.
For a moment, peace seems to settle over us as I hold her in my arms. For just a brief, moment, the nightmare seems to backoff as we lay there. Her skin grows warmer in my arms, her lips puckered up as if she’s begging for a kiss.
I’m so tempted to reach down and do just that, kiss her and remind her who I am to her. But if that happens, then the ugly will set in and she’ll start hating me all over again.
“I’m sorry.” The words escape me before I can clamp them down or swallow them and now that they are out, I don’t have a candle in holding in everything I’m been feeling and didn’t know how to express. “I’m so fucking sorry, Mia.”
In the silence of the hospital room, it’s the pounding of my heart and roar in my blood that I can hear, but she’s all I see. All I know and feel. Mia is everything.
“You were never meant to be here, baby,” I whisper, my words clipped and short. “You were never meant to be in danger or anyone’s target. You were mine to protect, mine to love and cherish and I… I let my fucking insecurities swallow your truth and filled my fucking head with noise and fucking chaos that only distracted me from what was right there in front of me.”
I lie there and gut myself open to her and bleed, showing her where all the monsters are, where all the darkness lies.
“I know you don’t remember me, and this doesn’t count because you’re asleep but how else can I tell you? What else am I supposed to do when I know that the light you had in your eyes when you looked at me is now gone? That glint of knowledge of my soul, that spark of love you had only for me… it’s gone and now, what do I do with myself?”
It’s dark in the room, but silent. It’s truly the first we’ve been alone since everything, and now I just want to be honest. I’m probably a coward for saying this while she’s fighting her way out of a nightmare, but it’s an opportunity I’m willing to take.
“Mia the truth is, I never thought I’d feel so much like this. I was never the expressive type or the guy who opens up even about the little things.” Isn’t that the fucking truth? “All I knew was I had a duty to protect. My instincts to shelter Aiden and Liam were always on alert. I never really knew why until now with all that we know but the day I met you, you saw the real me and you rolled with it anyway. You calmed me down, tempered my rage with your sarcastic quips and humor that I swear I thought about for years when I couldn’t be near you.”
She softens in my arms, the tense set of her shoulders fading away.
“But God did I fight it, the way you made me feel,” I say with a low chuckle. “I fought your hold over my soul like you wouldn’t believe. That was the first time I ever lost at anything, Mia, so thanks for that.”
I place a kiss to her bandaged wrapped head, holding her tighter.
“The truth is, I didn’t want to love you, Little Minx,” I mutter hoarsely. “I didn’t want all of the complicate feelings that opened up the moment I kissed you all those years ago, but I guess that didn’t matter because from the moment you looked at me like I’m a nuisance and reduced me to a pile of pathetic longing with just your beautiful eyes, I just… I wanted to show you my worst.”
And I did.
I was the hateful asshole who couldn’t stand her questions that hit close to home.
I hurt her where it hurts the most, burning things of value, forcing her to know me, all in the name of revenge over something she had no control over.
I insulted her, attempted to make Cole and Liam hate her too, but they knew better.