Billy's Baby - Annie J. Rose Page 0,47

weren’t hurt, maybe order some room service for you, make sure you were okay,” he said.

It hurt my chest that he said that, and the dangerous warmth it brought to my skin. An intense yearning swept over me for a rewind, a do-over. I wanted that ending to last night, with Billy taking me safely to my room, ordering a dessert and strong coffee and holding me until I felt safe. I wanted to weep from the longing I felt.

I wouldn’t let him know how affected I was by the picture he painted, by the fact he said he meant to do all those things.

“Thank you for being there and helping me. I’m fine,” I said. “How is your lady friend? She seemed pretty worried about you.” There, I’d needled him with the recollection of that other woman, the beautiful one with the baby.

“My what? My lady friend?” he looked at me for a second before understanding dawned on his face. “You mean my sister-in-law. I ran into her while she was out walking to try and get my nephew to sleep when I saw what was happening with you.”

“Oh,” I said.

I felt a shameful flood of relief that, at least, I wasn’t the other woman in his relationship with his baby mama. I realized at once how upset I’d been about that idea, how sick and sad it had made me. That still didn’t explain why Billy had canceled our plans so he could just walk around randomly after dark. Nothing had ‘come up’ to interfere with our date. He had just decided to stay home or go out without me. It hurt to realize he had preferred to be alone than with me. Especially when there was no one I’d rather spend time with than him. I wanted him to explain away what I was feeling, to make it okay again.

I leaned against the dresser for support. Then I realized it was the same dresser he had set me down on and ripped my dress off of me the last time we were in this room together. The very thought made me feel a wave of grief and something like anger as well. I wanted to take off my shoe and throw it right at his head and scream, ‘Why the hell did you have to mess everything up?’ But I was a mature adult most of the time and didn’t do silly crap like that. So I stood there after my brilliant reply of “oh” and waited for him to make the next move. If he wanted to be with me, if he wanted to clear the air, I was willing to give him one opportunity. There had better be some answers other than he wanted to take a walk by himself. I needed a real reason he had canceled, a real reason why he showed up at my door again. I deserved a man who told me the truth and was willing to fight for me.

Chapter 18

Billy

I needed to get some distance between us. She was leaning against that dresser and it was giving me flashbacks. Not a good way to keep my focus on an important conversation. I sat down on the end of the bed and sighed.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to make you feel insecure at all. Under other circumstances I would have introduced you to Karin. At the time, I was a little distracted by the asshole who grabbed you.”

“I thanked you for that. I know I can never really thank you enough, but that doesn’t explain why you canceled on me in the first place.”

“Do you think I haven’t thought of that? That if I’d kept our date, that he never would’ve gotten his hands on you? I was awake most of the night thinking all the ways I’d screwed up. I just got too much in my head. I do that sometimes.” I took a long breath. I didn’t want to tell her about Mason. I didn’t want to tell her I was half afraid—irrationally—that falling in love was a death sentence or worse. So I ran my fingers through my hair and told her half the truth.

“That happens sometimes since the war. I get to a dark place where I can’t see things clearly. Things seem distorted and I take everything too hard then, and sometimes I lose hope. I think I don’t have any right to expect good things to happen to me, or that I can trust