The Billionaire's Masquerade Page 0,38

living with Emerson in Manhattan for almost a month now and she felt like she was going to break if he asked one more thing of her.

She spoke to Nikki and Brianna barely once a week now, missing them terribly. They tried to be encouraging, but Rachel could hear the concern in their voices. She was simply too tired and overwhelmed to figure out how to reassure both of them.

And, what made everything worse, she wanted Emerson so badly, she was almost crying over her need to have him hold her and make love to her. Unfortunately, she knew that she’d brought all of this on herself. After that first night, she’d put her foot down about sleeping in another room. She’d woken up to him kissing her neck. It had been the first test of her strength to pull out of his arms that morning and she’d almost failed. She had no idea where she’d found the power, but she’d pushed him away, shaking her head and informing him in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t have sex with a stranger.

Of course, that didn’t stop him from trying. Every night, he took her into his arms, kissed her until she was nearly senseless with desire. So far, she’d been able to withstand his drugging kisses, but she was holding on only through sheer stubbornness over how he’d made her look like a fool.

If she could go back and do all of this over again, she’d completely eliminate that speech she’d given to Jack last month. Her feelings had changed about needing to make it in New York, not letting herself down and facing her fears. If she had her way, she’d move up to Cape Elizabeth, buy herself a computer and start a small investment firm with just the locals as her clients.

Or maybe she’d do something completely different. Something that had nothing to do with investments or money or stocks. Maybe she would do something with her hands, something that would keep her mind from ever having to calculate stock ratios or profit variances.

First, she would sleep for a whole week, she interjected into her fantasy.

Now that she’d had a taste of both sides, she knew that she preferred the simple life. What she was doing now, it wasn’t living. It was surviving. And she was barely even doing that! She’d heard Wall Street referred to as a jungle but this wasn’t a jungle. At least in the jungle, there were moments of peace and tranquility, a few spectacular pauses where the surrounding beauty could still one’s heart.

This was guerrilla warfare. Living in Manhattan, trying to keep up with all the latest gossip and discovering hidden problems with potential target companies, listening to endless people trying to convince her to invest in this company or that commodity…it was a sad and pathetic lifestyle that she had grown to hate. From the moment she woke up in the morning alone until Emerson took her into his arms at night to try and convince her to come to bed with him, she hated every moment of this life.

If only Emerson could go back to being Jack again. She had no idea what he was thinking most of the time. His face was blank, not giving her any clue as to what he might feel or think or care about. Until he took her into his arms. Then she knew exactly what he was thinking.

At least, she assumed what he was thinking.

And she really didn’t like that. She wanted him to care about her. She used to love the man but she’d been in love with Jack. She didn’t know this Emerson man. She had no idea what he wanted in life except to make more money.$

She pulled herself out of bed and walked unsteadily to the shower. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on her, she thought as she turned on the shower. She’d told Jack that this was what she’d wanted. She’d wanted the brass ring, all the excitement and power of Wall Street. She wanted to make money so that she never had to worry about where her next meal was coming or what would happen if someone got sick. She remembered her parents’ fights about money and all the hardships her family had endured growing up.

She leaned her head against the cold, hard marble, letting the warm water flow over her back. She couldn’t do this, she thought silently. Well, that wasn’t really true, she told