The Billionaire's Illicit Twins - Holly Rayner Page 0,13

it would have been deeply irresponsible of me to try to start another one? They’d all been around to see all the failed relationships in real time. They’d literally been able to see them failing as they happened.

What made them think things had suddenly changed?

And that, of course, brought the bigger question into play, and as I hit Jersey City and slowed down to take the city streets into account, I turned my brain over to that particular thread. I’d never thought about having a family because I didn’t think I would be good at it.

My history seemed to indicate that I was a terrible partner—and would make a bad father. But did I actually want a family? Did I want a wife? Someone to share my life with, someone to come home to at night, someone to hold me when I was tired or sick or just overwhelmed?

That last part sounded pretty good, even to a workaholic like me. The idea of having someone there all the time, who knew you and loved you and was there to pick you up when you felt like you couldn’t do it yourself…

Look, I’m a strong guy. I’m a good businessman. And I could take care of myself just fine. But was it really so bad to think that it might be nice if someone else was there to… I don’t know, help?

Having someone to groom to one day take over for the company could be nice, too, I supposed, now that I was thinking about it. A son who I could teach about business and the music industry. Or a daughter, for that matter. If they were mine, I knew they’d have a mind for it. And the idea of taking them to work with me, showing them around the building when they were kids, then maybe taking them out for lunch and ice cream, or a walk in the park afterward, asking them what they wanted to be when they grew up, giving them all the opportunity in the world to be whatever they wanted to be but hoping that they’d choose to take Harmon-e on…

God, the very idea was getting me all choked up, and I’d never even thought of it before.

But now that it was there, I didn’t know if I could shove it back into the closet from which it had come.

I narrowed my eyes and gritted my teeth, though, reaching for the frustration I’d been feeling and pulling it back around me like a blanket. Yeah, so a family might be a nice thing. It might give me an aspect to my life that it didn’t have right now, and it might even be more fulfilling, emotionally speaking.

But that damn sure didn’t mean I was going to do it. Not with my family trying to run right over me and force me into it. They didn’t get to decide how I lived my life. They’d never been able to do that, and I wasn’t going to let them start now. No way, no how.

I would start a relationship when, and if, I was ready. And I would have kids when, and if, I was ready, and if I’d found the right woman to make a life with. My family didn’t get to decide about that, and there was no way I was going to give in to the pressure they were trying to put on me.

I hit the radio and turned the music up, and then shot into Holland Tunnel, already counting the minutes until I got back to my building and my apartment. I was exhausted, and I was tired of thinking. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget all the expectations. Forget entirely about the idea of starting a family—or not.

Chapter 8

Bella

I was at the grocery store, in the frozen foods section—looking for frozen berries to put in the ice cream I was suddenly craving every single night—when I realized that I hadn’t had my period in two months.

My heart jumped right up into my throat while my stomach went the exactly opposite direction, hitting the floor below me and then sinking even deeper, into the concrete foundation of this building.

Because it’s not a thought a girl ever wants to have. I mean, unless they’re specifically trying to have that thought. That experience. But for a girl like me? The one who’s so caught up in her career that she hardly has time to breathe, and definitely knows that she doesn’t have