The Billionaire's Christmas Son - Leslie North Page 0,47

and fear.

The door was unlocked, a sign the brothers were welcome. Jonas shook off the last of the chill and tried to focus. A quick glance at Gabe told him he wasn’t the only one feeling ill at the prospect of their grandmother’s swift decline. What if this was the last time they had with her? The doctors had no way of knowing.

Jonas pushed the thought out of his head. He’d treat every time he spoke to her as the possible last time. That’s what he should do with everyone just in case something went wrong and the people he loved were ripped out of his life. A new panic seized him—Rachel was out there on the road, even now. His fingers itched to text her. But he wasn’t going to do that. She’d asked for space. He was proving he could give it to her with his silence, though it felt hellish to do it.

Chase got to the bedroom door first and knocked softly. “Grandmother?”

“Come in,” she called right away.

They entered the lamplight glow of her room. She sat up in the bed, propped up on an enormous pile of pillows, her hair in its usual elegant chignon. A cup of tea was cradled in her hands, and she looked out toward the storm. “Hello, boys. It looks like it’s gotten nasty out the last few hours.”

His brothers held back, and Jonas charged in—if walking in on soft feet could be called charging. “Grandmother.” He leaned over her bed to kiss her cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted,” she admitted, her eyes traveling over each of them. There was such sadness there. And it was because of him.

Jonas pulled up a chair next to the bed.

“Have you come to talk?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said, reaching for her hand.

She put the teacup down and took his hand in hers. A silence fell over the room, almost prayerful, and Jonas waited.

“I don’t understand,” she said finally. “I don’t understand how you could have kept this secret, Jonas.”

He felt the weight of the family’s gaze on him, the way he always had, ever since the day that he knew his parents had died. It would be up to him one day. Jonas knew it with crushing certainty. And all of it—everything he’d ever done—stemmed from that moment. How could it be otherwise?

He took a deep breath. “When Mom and Dad died, I thought—I knew—that I would have to take care of everyone in any way that I could.” Jonas’s throat tightened at the memory, the old feelings welling up again. The devastating loss. The sensation of losing all sense of direction, blindly fumbling for a wall somewhere that could guide him to sunlight.

“I’ve been…I’ve been trying to survive since they died and keep everyone else moving forward, too. Including the resort. That’s what it comes down to. It’s become my life.” He tapped his chest, the gesture almost unconscious. “I can’t let it go.” He kept his voice even, but it was a struggle. “I can’t let go; this need to protect you. And my brothers. Somewhere along the line, it extended to everything—even unwelcome news. Anything I thought would upset you. I couldn’t stop. Especially now.”

Jonas sucked in a breath, the oxygen flooding his system. He’d finally been honest about the way his parents’ accident had upended him, letting himself become vulnerable to those around him.

“Oh, Jonas,” his grandmother said, clasping his hand with a gentle firmness.

“It makes me anxious,” he burst out. “To lose control. I can’t stand it, and I tried to do it again this time, and it didn’t work. I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t know,” she said, her voice quavering. “I knew it was awful. Horrendous, when you lost your parents. But I didn’t know that it ...had such an effect. On any of you.” Her eyes traveled around to his brothers, then settled back on his. “It can’t go on like this,” she said gently. “No matter what happens to me.”

“She’s right.” Gabe’s voice was thick with emotion. “You can’t do this forever. It’ll take you away from us just like a car accident would.”

The pressure bore down on him again, harder, before it let up. Gabe was right, which irritated him. But then a hand came down on his shoulder, then another, and his family surrounded him.

“You have to let go of some of this,” Chase added. “Some of this worry you carry. The need to be in charge of everything. For the people you love, but also