The Billionaire's Christmas Son - Leslie North Page 0,28
brave smile anyway. “You know, if you don’t want your grandmother to find out about us, then we shouldn’t risk the gossip. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to stay any longer.”
“What I said down there—” He was at loose ends. “What I meant was that I need a better plan of attack when it comes to telling my grandmother about us. And the way I said it came out wrong. I didn’t expect Chase to come over here. I didn’t expect them to know about Scott or us.”
“It’s okay.” Her answer wasn’t convincing. “I know how hard this is for you. The timing. But I know what’s good for me, too. I know I can’t stay here while you struggle to keep me hidden and fight with your brothers.” Rachel’s eyes glistened. “Really, Jonas, I think we have enough photos to make a wonderful picture scrapbook. You can take some of your own photos on New Year’s, and I’ll be happy to add them in, it’s just—I don’t think we can stay. We can’t stay,” she said, more firmly.
It reminded him of every anxiety he’d had as a child, as powerfully as if he were experiencing them all over again. It had started with a car accident. His parents had both died, and everything after that was a whirlwind of trying to get any sense of stability. If their car could go off the road, then anything could happen at the resort. Jonas hadn’t expected that this specific scenario—the one in which his one-night stand reappeared in his life with his child—would happen, and now it was all coming apart at the seams.
His heart beat frantically. Chase’s questions—and his sorry responses—couldn’t be the reason they left. But he had no reasonable way to explain what had happened, other than what he’d already said. But he couldn’t stop casting about for the magic words that would take them back to before Chase had shown up on his doorstep, to before Rachel had overheard the conversation.
Except there weren’t any.
She took a pair of small pants out of the diaper bag and helped Scott into them. It was like standing on the train tracks, watching the train come, and being powerless to stop the collision.
“We could figure this out.”
“Not now, we can’t.” When Rachel looked up at him again, there were no more tears in her eyes. “If you’re so intent on keeping this from your grandmother until the very last moment, then all we can do is focus on the work we have to do, and duck out early. That will free you up to say whatever you need to say. And then you can—” She shrugged, picking up Scott, and nuzzled his cheek with her nose. “We can always talk later.”
It hurt him to the core, that small sentence. Jonas, better than anyone, knew that you couldn’t always talk later. Sometimes, later never came. A car went off the road. A plane crashed. A heart stopped. There were a hundred ways to lose out on possible futures.
Rachel picked up the diaper bag and put it over her shoulder. No—no. Time was going too fast, streaming around him in a way that made him slightly dizzy. “I’ll let you know if we need anything else for the scrapbook,” she said.
Jonas wanted to block the door. He had the intense desire to stand in front of her and the equally intense desire to let her be free. Rachel didn’t belong to him. They weren’t together. He wouldn’t stop her from leaving if she wanted to go.
They headed down the stairs, and he helped Scott into his little coat, the hat from the gift shop, and his small mittens. Rachel put on her coat and brushed the black waves of her hair over her shoulders. He had the wrenching vision of having another child with Rachel—a child with her hair, but his nose and his chin—and he found he couldn’t let her walk out without saying something.
“Are you sure?” He bounced Scott on his hip, taking a deep breath of his warm scent. “Are you sure this is the best plan?”
“It might not be the best for you,” Rachel admitted. “But I know it’s the best for me. I can’t—I can’t be here anymore. You understand that.”
It wasn’t a question—more of a wish. She wanted him to understand it. But the ground was shifting under his feet, the planet tilting off its axis, and he had to get it back