statement? I was damn glad she hadn’t married the idiot, too. “It could have been a lot less painful and still ended with you at Montgomery, and the two of us together,” I answered as I put cream into Harlow’s coffee.
“I may have turned down the internship if I hadn’t wanted to escape Austin,” she mused. “I had a good job, and I could have just sailed through my doctorate. Although, if that relationship had never happened at all, I probably would have applied at Montgomery, eventually. It was and still is my dream job.”
“I’d rather it hadn’t happened,” I told her as I put her coffee down on the island for her. “Did you want the baby, Harlow? Did you have a plan?”
“I’m not sure I really had a solid arrangement all worked out,” she said in a thoughtful voice. “I had the resources to raise a child on my own, and I had no plans of giving it up. That was about as far as I got in planning my future. Everything happened so fast. Getting pregnant was completely accidental. I was sick, and I think the antibiotics I got from the urgent care affected the efficacy of my birth control. So it was a shock that led to yet another shock once I found my fiancé in bed with another woman. Everything just compounded until the final blow of miscarrying.”
“Did your mother know?” I asked, hoping she had someone with her when it happened.
“No,” she said as she shook her head slowly. “Not until after it happened. Because it occurred so early, I was in and out of the hospital in twenty-four hours. There was no point in getting Mom upset. I was on my way back to California anyway.”
Jesus! Was there ever going to be a point when Harlow put herself first? “What about your need for some support?”
“I got it once I got back here. My mom was there for me,” she replied calmly. “I was fine physically. The doctor assured me that I’d done nothing wrong to cause the miscarriage, that they were common in the first trimester, and that there was no reason I couldn’t have a child someday.”
“But?” I prodded gently.
“But there was still an emptiness that took a while to go away,” she responded softly. “Looking back, I’m sure it was grief and sadness after a whole series of shocks, but I did get through it, Jax. It just took me a while to trust anyone again.”
“Not exactly surprising after what happened,” I assured her.
I had to wonder if Harlow had any idea how strong she was, or how amazing it was that she was resilient enough to go through something bad and come out of it without any bitterness.
Her eyes met mine as she said earnestly. “I really am sorry for being an idiot last night. I made peace with that part of my life a long time ago. I didn’t know some of those insecurities were still buried. Maybe it would have been different if I’d had an intimate relationship again before we met.”
Oh, hell no. I was all good with her having a little meltdown. Thinking about some other guy helping her through her sexual insecurities didn’t sit well with me. At all. “You aren’t an idiot, and any insecurities you have are fine as long as you talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”
She shook her head. “You’re such an amazing man. I have no idea why some woman hasn’t snatched you up by now.” She held up a hand. “And don’t start trying to tell me all of your faults again. I know about all your flaws, and they’re nothing compared to all of your good qualities. All of the wonderful things about you were always there, Jax. You just never let anyone see them.”
Maybe because no woman has ever wanted to see me. Until Harlow.
“I think I’d be okay with letting you call me a nice guy now,” I confessed, wanting to lighten the conversation. “As long as you think I’m hot, too.”
She snorted. “I think you’re both, and you should know that after last night.”
“I do, but a guy likes to hear that shit,” I informed her with a grin.
Harlow started dropping perfectly made pieces of French toast onto a plate as she said wryly, “I’ll try to make sure that you’re always aware of your hotness.”
I grinned broader. “You can just show me really often,” I offered