if she’s ready to change the relationship. Maybe it seems too soon to you, but it’s possible that she might not feel the same way. It sounds like she’s accepted Mark’s death, and the fact that the two of them may not have worked out in a romantic sense. Is this just a physical thing?”
“No,” I said honestly. “It would probably be easier if it was, but that’s just part of it. I’ve always had this strange connection to Harlow. I was actually pretty disappointed when she turned me down two years ago. I won’t say that I didn’t date after that, but I pretty much lost any real interest in seeing anyone else. Since the kidnapping, I’ve stopped dating altogether. I was obsessed about getting Harlow to talk to me, even when I didn’t know how bad things were for her.”
“Yeah,” Hudson said solemnly. “I noticed that you’d slowed down on the dating, but I wasn’t quite sure why. What happened to the brother who used to tell me that loving someone was a choice?”
Love? Am I in love with Harlow?
I didn’t have to ask myself that question again. I knew the answer.
“Christ! Those words are coming back to haunt me,” I said. “I can’t turn off the way I feel about Harlow, and I can’t choose not to feel this way. I was a dumbass when I said that.”
“Not really,” Hudson defended. “It’s not like we had very good examples of what a great relationship was like when we were younger. I was totally unprepared when I met Taylor. How in the hell were we supposed to know that meeting the right woman would turn our whole world upside down?”
“I didn’t,” I said flatly. “I can’t fuck this up, Hudson, but I don’t know how to deal with a woman who really gives a damn about me. Harlow isn’t impressed by the Montgomery name, or the fact that I’m a billionaire who could give her every damn material thing her heart desires. She sees me, and honestly, as much as I’ve always wanted that to happen, now that it has, it scares the shit out of me. I’m not used to a woman who wants more than just expensive gifts or to be seen with an ultra-wealthy Montgomery. Hell, Harlow wants to take me to dinner and let her pay for it. I didn’t even know how to respond to something like that. Things just don’t work that way in our world.”
Hudson chuckled. “Get used to it. Harlow has been independent her entire adult life. It’s her way of showing you that she cares about you. When Taylor does something thoughtful for me, it throws me for a loop, too. I’m pretty damn grateful every damn time she does something for me just because she cares, but it’s just completely foreign to me. So, I get it. We want that, but it’s not something we ever really thought would happen. I guess we don’t really feel worthy sometimes, but I’m starting to shake that shit off. I want Taylor to love me like that, and she shows me every single day that she thinks I deserve it. After a while, I started to believe her. I’m not sure how I ended up with a woman like Taylor, but there’s never going to be a day that I’m not profoundly grateful that she loves me. The only way you’ll screw this up is if you can’t learn to accept the way that Harlow cares, and you throw it back in her face. Maybe one of the hardest things to acknowledge is that when a woman cares about you that way, you have the power to hurt her.”
I thought about the way I’d reacted to Harlow when she’d offered to take me out to dinner, and I felt like a complete asshole all over again. “Yeah, I already kind of screwed up. Harlow put herself out there, and I backed off because I didn’t know how to handle it.”
“Take my advice—don’t do that shit,” Hudson advised. “Be honest and tell her how you feel. Things can go south in a hurry if you don’t communicate. You’ll have to decide which is more important to you—being loved by Harlow, or not putting yourself out there, too, and never taking a risk. With a woman like her, you can’t have both.”
“I have no idea if she loves me or not. It’s just been a friendship until today.”