I’d savor every second of this man’s fierce, raw passion greedily, and then, no doubt, I’d beg for more.
Truthfully, I’d never felt like this before, either, but I was beyond willing to find out what it felt like to wallow in those desires rather than hide them.
“Son of a bitch!” he cursed. “You’re crying. I didn’t mean to upset you, Taylor. I just needed you to know the truth. Forget what I said. I’ll try to be your damn friend if that’s all you need.”
It wasn’t.
It wasn’t even close to being what I needed.
For once in my life, I wanted somebody to really know me, every part of me.
Like I’d done many times since Hudson had rescued me, I reached for my dragon pendant for a little boost of confidence, but it wasn’t there.
“Why do you do that?” Hudson asked in a husky tone.
“What?”
“Put your hand up to your neck like that. I’ve seen you do it before?”
“The rebels took all my jewelry, which wasn’t much,” I explained. “But I had a pendant that Mac Tanaka gave me when I was a teenager, a dragon with a cage tail that wrapped around a pearl. I never took it off. I miss it, I guess.”
Hudson rose and held out his hand. “It’s dark. Let’s go in. We don’t have to talk about this shit anymore. I won’t even mention it again. You’re not fully recovered, and you’re dealing with enough right now.”
I took his hand because I wanted to touch him. I didn’t really need help anymore.
I looked up at him when I was on my feet, and I was disappointed when all I saw was concern in his eyes.
He’d obviously managed to conquer his previously out-of-control emotions.
Hudson’s expression was careful, closed off, but I knew what I’d seen early. It was still there, somewhere, but could I really blame him for needing to defend himself?
It wasn’t like I’d said a single thing to help him.
I held his gaze as I said, “I feel the same things you do, Hudson. I guess I’m just not quite sure how to give you what you want.”
He nodded sharply, and looked away. “I understand.”
I followed him into the house with a sigh. Just like I hadn’t understood him earlier, he didn’t understand me now.
How in the hell could I explain that even though I had the same desires that he did, I had no idea what to do with them?
Hudson
I couldn’t sleep later that night when I finally went to bed.
Instead, I kept cursing myself for being a coward, and running off to my home office after I’d confessed to Taylor that I couldn’t see her as a friend.
I’d wanted to end the conversation once we’d stepped inside, even though I’d known that Taylor had more to say.
She hadn’t been ready to hear my bullshit because she’d told me straight out that she didn’t know how to give me what I wanted.
Fairly certain she was just trying to let me down easy by claiming she felt the same way, I’d muttered some excuse about needing to get some stuff done in my office, and I’d walked away from her.
Fuck! What if she was confused? What if she hadn’t just been trying to politely blow me off?
What if…
What if…
What if…
I should have given it more time, and told her later if I thought there was a chance we could become lovers when she was completely recovered.
Maybe I didn’t want to be relegated to the friend category in her mind, but I could have been a lot more subtle about it.
I could have waited until she felt more comfortable with sex in general after being assaulted.
And I definitely hadn’t needed to be a dick when she had more to say.
Problem was, I hadn’t wanted to hear her say she didn’t know, or that she wasn’t sure if she could ever be more than a friend.
I didn’t want to be that guy who was suffering from unrequited lust.
I also hadn’t wanted to be that man who had threatened to use something she’d promised me as a damn tool to get exactly what I wanted.
But I had, because I’d wanted to know that Taylor would always have enough money to get whatever she wanted, whatever she needed.
Fuck knew she had to replace her older model vehicle. The ugly blue compact looked like it was ready to take its last breath any day now.
No doubt she had student loans to pay as well, and she could wipe those out