found her lovely because of the effort. I smiled back with an unaccountable amount of Mr. Magoo—my drawstring pants were askew, my white undershirt dingy, my hair pointing any direction but down. She would’ve had to be very much smitten to find a man like me endearing. Never mind the debacle from last night, which I’d almost managed to forget about until I sat down at the scene of the supposed crime. The memory made me want to crawl under the porch and stay put.
Carl said, “To what do we owe this pleasure?”
“Well, we talked at length last night,” Alice said, “and we had some ideas about what to do when Josie comes today.”
Carl’s gaze flicked to me. “Oh?”
“If she comes today,” I said.
“Of course. If she comes, but I think she will. She promised Carl.”
Carl squared his shoulders at this.
Alice continued, “My daughter Sydney is coming to take me to the department store, and I’d asked Valencia if she wanted to join—”
“Which of course I do, because I need some new Isotoner slippers.”
“And you love to shop,” Alice added.
“I do. I love to shop. I said to Alice, ‘Alice, I could die happy shopping.’”
“That sounds like a nice day for the two of you,” I hedged.
Alice said, “Yes, well, we thought it’d be even nicer if Josie came along.”
“Alice told me everything,” Valencia said, conspiracy and thrill lacing each word.
“I’m sorry if I should’ve kept it to myself”—Alice looked between Carl and me—“but I thought there’s no reason to go into battle alone.”
Carl cleared his throat and readjusted in his chair. “What are we fighting, exactly?”
Alice said, “That man.”
“Bates,” Valencia clarified. “Once I heard about him, I said, ‘We need to do something.’ That’s what I said.”
I sat back. A profound silence settled on us. The mere mention of his name gave the air around us mass. Battling him sounded abstract, if not impossible.
“How are we fighting him, exactly?” I said.
Alice said, “To start, we’re bringing Josie with us to the mall today.”
I laughed.
She waited, unflustered and without reproach, until I was done. It left me, in the end, flustered and reproached. She had a knack for that: letting me be without letting me get away with it. I loved that about her.
I said, with some manners this time, “You’re going to have to explain this warfare maneuver to me. I’m not familiar with it.”
“Well, that’s because you’re not a woman,” Valencia offered.
Alice said, “What she’s trying to say is that some company for Josie might be just what she needs. And maybe while she’s with us, if that Bates man comes back, you can tell him that she’s taken the bus to Mineral Ridge or something.”
“Improving morale while misdirecting the enemy,” I said, finally understanding. “I like it.”
“Wait,” Carl said. “You want to take her away to the mall?”
“Well . . . yes,” Alice said.
“No. No, no.” He crossed his arms. “I’m plenty of company.”
A quiet moment dawdled between us. When it’d drawn out too long, Alice put a hand on Carl’s armrest. “I know you are, Carl, I’m sorry. It was a silly idea.”
I cleared my throat. “Carl, if you don’t mind me saying, maybe you’re not the right kind of company.”
“Oh, go fly a kite. I’m great company.”
“But you’re not a woman,” Valencia said.
“What’s that got to do with it?”
Alice put her hand on my armrest now. “Nothing. Forget I mentioned it. It was a really silly idea that I didn’t think through.”
Valencia said, “But we talked all night long about—”
“Carl, I don’t want to take any of your time away from her. It’s so precious, I know. I wasn’t thinking. Like a shopping trip with us would cure anything.” She put a few fingers to her mouth and shook her head. “It’s stupid, really.”
Carl nodded, satisfied. I, however, found his logic