Big Dick Energy - Cindi Madsen Page 0,70
night you rejected me cold.”
Penelope pressed her lips together as though she were trying not to laugh.
“You’re just proving my point, babe,” I said. “You’re the one who shot me down without so much as a glance.”
“To be fair, it was without a glance. The half a glance I gave you after I’d rebuffed your advances made me wonder if I should reconsider, but I’d sworn off cocky guys and was pissed at men in general. That was shortly after Mr. Bishop had informed me that he was bringing in someone else to help with the project I’d worked my ass off to land.” Another casual shrug. “I had a score to settle.”
I’d accidentally steered us toward work territory. Like she’d said, it was bound to happen. But now I was pondering how I’d react if I’d put in long hours only to be saddled with some dude who’d just walked in off the street.
Since I was that dude, and it’d led to being here with her like this, I didn’t like the idea of it never happening. But if the tables were turned, I would’ve probably let my pride get the best of me. My internal organs tugged this way and that, trying to make sense of it all but ending up in a jumbled mess.
“Ever since my dad died, I’ve struggled with a lack of confidence. We’ve talked about our parents and how that pressure and looming disappointment leaves you scared to make a move because it’ll always be the wrong one in their eyes. That night, I was ranting to Cat and Ellie, and…” The scrunch of her forehead spoke to some internal debate. “Have you heard of the term ‘Big Dick Energy?’”
“It rings a bell. I’m assuming it’s what it sounds like.”
“Pretty much. Basically, it’s this idea that if a person—male or female—exudes the confidence of an alpha dude with a big dick, they get whatever they want. And in order to get the project, promotions, and salary I wanted at work, that’s what I decided I needed to do.”
Several pieces clicked into place, including the toast from her friends.
Penelope also relayed how her ex had taken credit for her ideas. At my mention of enacting payback on her behalf, she grabbed my clenched fist and pried my fingers loose with hers. “That’s not why I’m telling you all this. He’s hardly the first male coworker who’s done it, and women have been struggling against those types of situations for generations. It might not be fair, but it’s the world we live in, so it’s important for me to learn how to deal and be more assertive. I can take care of myself, just like I told you that night at the bar.”
“Okay,” I said, the irritation she’d been treated that way still flowing through my veins. “What am I supposed to do, then?”
“Listen to women’s experiences. Validate them and call out your coworkers. As for me, I’ve come a long way. Even fighting with you made me realize I can keep up when I let go of being nice or demure or all that other bullshit women get told we need to do all our lives. It might mean more work, but that and lifting other women up to help are how glass ceilings get shattered.”
“Keep up? Hell, you’ve had me running and talking in circles since day one. It’s pushed me harder, too.” I folded her hand into mine. “I forgot to tell you what an amazing job you did on Las Hermanas Distillery and Restaurant. You’re amazing at what you do, Pen.”
Pride beamed through her features. “Thank you. And right back at you. Earlier today, I had this big revelation. I believe in my blueprints and my vision for the stadium. At the end of the day, that’s what I can control. I won’t give up, won’t give in, and that’s how I mean to go on, no matter how this competition turns out.”
I cupped her cheek and swiped my thumb across the top of it. “That’s amazing, babe.” I feared that regardless of both of us saying we’d be fine, no matter which set of blueprints the committee picked, it’d mess with our relationship.
Possibly even tear us apart.
In case we were as overly optimistic about that as we were about being able to compartmentalize, I didn’t want to regret not telling Penelope how I felt about her. My nerves went into riot mode and I bounced my knee in an attempt to