of a not-thick-enough wall, she’d thought of it a hundred times: this torture wouldn’t last forever; Elene would die come spring. Worse, she’d thought that once Elene was dead, she might have Kylar herself.
“I’ve been selfish,” Elene said, “I knew we only had a couple of months, so I’ve been selfish for myself and for Kylar. I know you’ve paid the price for that. I’ve seen your face some of the mornings after—” Elene cleared her throat, “after Kylar and I stayed up late. I know you love him, Vi, and I can’t imagine how I would have felt if our places were reversed. If I were in your place, I’d look forward to . . . this ending. It’s all right.”
“It’s not all right to wish your friend was dead,” Vi said stiffly. Her eyes felt hot.
“For that and anything else you may have thought or done, I forgive you, Vi. Everything really is going to be all right. God has a purpose in this, even if we don’t see it.”
“You’re leaving,” Vi said.
“Yes.”
“And you haven’t told him.”
“I’ve tried. Kylar’s not ready to hear it. Vi, help him know that loving again is no betrayal. He’s immortal, and living forever without love is hell.”
“When are you leaving?” Vi asked.
“Now.”
“Where?”
“King Gyre’s marching into Khalidor in a few weeks. There are women in his army. I’ll join them. At least that’s my plan. God might have something different for me.”
“Why join them?”
“To force Kylar to be there. He’s sworn he wouldn’t leave me again for Logan, but that’s where he needs to be. If nothing else, I’ll die fighting for something.”
“You’re not a warrior, Elene.”
“No. But I am a fighter.”
“Do you have any idea what Kylar will do when he finds out?” Vi said.
“I’ve left a letter for him on the table telling him that I’m staying at the Chantry overnight. I hope I lie better in writing than in person because I’ll need the head start. But here’s another letter that tells the truth.” She paused. “Well, not the whole truth. I didn’t tell him I’m pregnant. He’s going to hurt enough. Please make sure he gets it.” She handed the note to Vi.
“You’re putting me in the middle of this?”
“He’d feel your complicity through your bond. You might want to stay at the Chantry for a couple days.”
Elene hugged her. At first awkwardly and then fiercely, Vi hugged her back. Her eyes teared up faster than she could blink away, and through her bond, she felt Kylar’s sudden alarm from a mile away. It wasn’t in words, but she could feel his wonder: are you crying?! She sent a wave of reassurance to him, which left him even more befuddled.
“I don’t want you to go,” Vi said.
Elene pulled back and searched Vi’s eyes. “You mean that. I can tell. Even with how hard this has been, you mean it.”
“I’ve never had a friend,” Vi said. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re a better woman than you know, Vi. God bless you.”
75
The passes are clear,” Durzo said. “The magae are going to march tomorrow.”
Kylar had known there was something different in his master’s attitude as they’d sparred today. They sat together on a table in the practice room of Durzo’s house, each holding a towel and blotting the sweat from their faces. Durzo didn’t make eye contact. “You’re leaving,” Kylar said.
“If you can believe it, Uly’s kicking me out the door,” Durzo said ruefully.
“I thought you were getting along great.”
“She’s worried about her mom. Says I should have gone to her first.”
“I think Uly’s smarter than both of us put together,” Kylar said lightly, though his heart was lead. Durzo was leaving him again, and if for the first time Durzo was letting him know about it beforehand, it didn’t make it much easier.
“Watch out for women smarter than you, kid. By which—”
“You mean all of them, I know.” Kylar shared a grin with his master.
“Guess I need to give you your gear,” Durzo said. “You going with the magae?”
“If I go, Elene will go, and she’ll die. I’m steering clear of this fight.”
Durzo examined his fingernails. “I told you that’s not how it works. She can fall in a puddle and drown as easily as take a sword in the guts. Death won’t be cheated, not in this.”
Kylar took it like a shot in stomach. He said quietly, “I won’t let her die. I won’t let anyone take her away. Not Death, not the Wolf, not God himself.”