twirling ballerina is my pendulum, and I’m completely under her spell. If I only knew then what I know now, I would trade places with her in a heartbeat.
“You used to love that music box.” I slam the lid shut, almost severing two fingers in the process.
“I used to love a lot of things,” I curtly reply, replacing the box on the dresser. Spinning, I cross my arms when I see my mother standing in the doorway. What does she want?
Taking a moment to observe her, I notice something different about her. She looks less…evil. Her white pantsuit might be the reason for her saintly look.
“Your father told me you went to see Dr. Carter. You’re doing another trial?” She appears genuinely interested.
I roll my eyes. It’s too late for the concerned motherly act. “Yes, I was. But it didn’t work. I should be out of your hair in about a month’s time.”
I’m expecting some sort of reaction like a hip, hip hooray. But for the first time in a long time, I see guilt. It unnerves me to see a human emotion pass across her usual stoic face.
“Lola, may we speak?”
“Speak about what, exactly?”
She clears her throat, evidently uncomfortable with whatever she wishes to say. “I want to clear the air between us.”’
“Excuse me?” I thump my fist to my chest, hoping to dislodge the lump in my throat. When I see that she is serious, I can’t help the sarcastic snicker from slipping from my lips. “I’m not sure if you heard me correctly, but I said I have one month to live.”
She recoils, wounded that I would imply it would take far longer than that to do what she proposes.
She enters the room, and I instinctively take two steps back. “You have every right to be angry with me.”
“Angry? That’s being lenient.”
“I don’t know the exact moment things fell apart between us.” She advances forward, each step leaving me more and more curious to what she wants.
“How about the time you disowned me as your daughter? Or the fact you’re ashamed to have an imperfect child?” I throw options her way. Surely, one will fit the profile.
She lowers her eyes, and I feel guilty for snapping. I don’t like it. I’m so used to bickering with my mom that I don’t know how to handle this side of her—this human side of her.
She sits at the foot of my bed, pensive. “I was never ashamed of you.”
“You could have fooled me,” I declare, folding my arms across my chest.
“There are so many things I would have done differently. I’m…I’m sorry. I’ve been an awful mother to you.”
My mouth pops open. I have never been more stunned than I am right now. When I regain my composure, I ask, “Why are you telling me this? It’s only come about four years too late.”
“I know.” Who is this person sitting before me? She wears my mother’s face, but there is no way this is her.
Lifting her eyes, I gasp when I see they are wet. Does she have something in them because no way are they wet with tears.
“What is the matter with you? Are you dying?” I ask, as that’s the only explanation to why she’s behaving this way.
She closes her eyes for a second. “If it means you’d live, then I would, happily.”
I am actually speechless. I need to sit. Slumping onto the satin settee, I attempt to decipher what the hell is going on.
“You think I’m ashamed of you.” I have no choice but to listen to her, as I’m bewitched. “The truth is…I’m ashamed of myself. I failed you.”
Something has happened for her to behave this way, and the only thing is that she’s been given a second chance.
“What happened?”
She tugs at the pearls around her neck, a sure sign I’m right. I’ve never seen Camille Van Allen squirm, not until now. “A few days ago, I found a lump…in my breast.”
I blink. That was not what I was expecting.
“I thought nothing of it, but I decided to get it checked out. That’s why we cut our trip short.”
I wait with bated breath.
“I got the results today.”
“And?”
She lowers her gaze, her lower lip trembling. “It’s all clear. I’m fine.”
A winded breath escapes me. I don’t understand. “Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”
She finally meets my confused stare. “Because the entire time, all I was thinking was, how does Lola do this? How has she done this her entire life? I was