“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he declares, shaking his head, his eyes peeled to the ground. “You were supposed to live and…”
His pause has me cocking a brow. “And then what?”
When he exhales and tips his head back, peering into the heavens as if asking for strength, I’m suddenly hit with a menacing weight.
“Tell me,” I press.
He shoots up, pacing in front of me, unable to stand still. “And then I was able to go,” he confesses with regret.
“What?” My gasp leaves me panting for breath. “Go where?” I clench at the seat beneath me.
It takes me a second to realize go means go away for good. So he was planning on leaving all along? But I’m still missing something.
Scanning through every single thing I can remember, I suddenly get slammed with one mystery yet to be solved. I forgot its significance until now. “What’s September first?”
When he comes to a halt, I know I’ve struck a nerve. “Teddy told you?” he asks, jaw clenched.
“No, but you’re about to.”
“Just leave it. I think we’ve had enough heartache for the day.”
“Tell me.” Rising, I grip his bicep, pleading he talk to me.
“No.” His tenacious jaw sets.
“No? Are you serious right now?” Now it’s my turn to wear a shade of red. “I thought we were past this. No more secrets, remember? Roman, tell me!”
Finally, he surrenders.
“After your trials…” My feet are cemented to the ground. “Once I knew you were okay…” He’s searching for the right words. But I have a feeling there aren’t any. “I would go to a small lodge in Niagara my family rented over the summer before Scarlett got sick.” His voice is wistful. “So many happy memories are associated with that place. It seems fitting it’s one of the first memories I have because it would also be my last. Well, second last.”
I don’t think I’m breathing.
“The last memory I have will be of you, Lola. The best memory I could ever leave this earth with.”
“W-what are you t-talking about?” I swallow, afraid I’m going to faint.
“I won’t wait around for this illness to cripple me. When I go, I want it to be on my terms. Teddy knows what to do.”
Time stands still.
“Please d-don’t tell me you’re doing w-what I think you a-are.”’ His silence speaks volumes. “Roman, no.” Tears flash before my eyes. This can’t be real. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He sighs, his heavy breath warming my neck. “Because you were the only thing that could change my mind.”
“Is that so bad?”
“Yes,” he confesses with regret. “I don’t want to live this way because I will only grow weaker. I don’t want you to remember me that way.”
Even though I can relate to his reasoning, I’m still infuriated. “But you made me do the trials.”
“Because there’s hope for you. There’s none for me.” Even though that rationale is now obsolete, it made perfect sense at the time.
“There’s always hope. You taught me that.” I sniff back my tears.
We’re now both stuck at a crossroads. What do we do?
“What you’re proposing, you’re committing suicide.” The words feel like acid slipping from my lips.
There is no question of his utter affliction over this entire situation, but his mind is made up. “How is it any different to putting a beloved family pet to sleep? We’re showing them compassion; it’s the humane thing to do. When there is nothing further one can do, then why prolong it?”
He’s so matter-of-fact, it hurts. Surely, things have now changed.
“Then I want to have the same option.”
“What? No.” He recoils, appearing aghast that I would even suggest such a thing.
“Why not? We’re both faced with the same predicament now. Why do you get the option, and I don’t? Everything you’ve just told me relates to me too.”
His lip curls in pure torment. “And I hate that it does. But this isn’t Romeo and Juliet. Once you’re gone, you’re gone. No one will write a sonnet about us.”
I blink, stunned. “You don’t think I know that?” I question, angered he thinks so little of me. “I’m not a child.” I won’t back down. Once upon a time, this may have been a way out for him, but now, it seems like an easy way out—period.
“No, Lola. The answer is no. It will always be no. I won’t have a part in ending your life,” he stubbornly states, jaw clenched.
“But you expect me to sit back and watch you die? Is