He’s watching me closely, sizing up my reaction to what he just confessed. I may appear stoic, but on the inside, every fiber of my being is screaming in sheer horror.
“R-R-Roman…I d-don’t…” I place a hand to my mouth, closing my eyes to stop the tears.
Roman’s heavy footsteps sound against the soft carpet, getting closer and closer to where I sit. My eyes slip open, unable to focus on anything but the toothed scar. All those times he held me near, I never knew what he was hiding. Buried beneath what I perceived as perfection lay a broken man.
He seems embarrassed and quickly attempts to reach for his shirt. But my hand shoots out, and I snare his wrist. He looks at our connection, then back up at me. “No, don’t. You’ve done enough hiding.”
I want to ask him so many questions, but I don’t. I simply allow him all the time he needs to share with me something I don’t think he’s ever shared with anyone before.
He exhales, before telling me his tale. “June told you about Scarlett?” I nod slowly. “She was such a clever kid. It wasn’t rare for her to correct her doctors on her condition because no one was better educated than Scarlett. She read every single medical article and book published on her condition. But it didn’t make a difference. In the end, the illness claimed her life.”
I lower my eyes, feeling a kinship with Scarlett.
“When she…died…” It seems Roman still has a problem saying her outcome aloud. “A piece of my mother died with her. She was never the same, and she never looked at me the same because we were twins…why was I still alive and Scarlett wasn’t?
“She slipped into a deep depression and didn’t want anything to do with me or my dad. We tried to help her”—the desperation is clear, and I believe every single word—“but she didn’t want help. She shut us out.
“I lost my twin, and I lost my mother. I needed her because she was the only person who could understand what it felt like having a piece of your heart ripped out from your chest, and in its place, a gaping void is left, which just got bigger and bigger.”
He peers off in the distance, lost in time. “She pushed my father into the arms of her best friend. I know it wasn’t intentional, but she just didn’t want us around. We were a reminder of everything she once had but lost. I know why she did it, but I have never truly forgiven her.”
I want to touch him, but I don’t. I sit on my hands, too afraid that if we make contact, I’ll disrupt this memory, which is one he’s kept buried away.
“A kid can only take so many rejections. I moved in with my dad and his new family, but I never forgot Scarlett. How could I? Each beat of my heart reminded me of the life I stole from my sister.”
“Stole?” My voice is merely a whisper. “You didn’t steal her life, Roman. You have every right to live.”
“I was her twin. Why was my heart healthy, and hers wasn’t? Why wasn’t my heart the one to fail? I would have given anything, given her my heart if I could.” The regret behind his words is unbearable, and I choke back a sob.
He clears his throat, pushing away his tears. “That’s why I became a doctor. I wanted to help as many people as I could because each face was Scarlett’s. With each person I helped, I gained back my belief that I was worthy of this life.”
“Why is it a secret that June is your mother?”
He shakes his head once before sitting beside me. “It’s not, but it’s not a need to know, either. And besides, I want to be respected for what I’ve accomplished, of who I am, not because of who my mom is. Up until recently, we didn’t even speak.”
His lips curve at the corners into a sarcastic smile. “You know what the world is like. Just one slipup and another doctor is waiting in the wings, ready to take my place. This job is sought out by many. I don’t want anyone thinking I didn’t earn my stripes.”
I understand. This world we live in is merciless and cutthroat.
“Once June came to terms with Scarlett’s death, she wanted to honor her and her life, and that’s why Strawberry Fields exists. I’m sure she’s told you all about it.