ajar door comes into view, I freeze when I hear his hushed voice, followed by a woman’s.
June.
“What are you doing with Lola Van Allen?”
The moment I hear my name, I creep forward, stopping a few feet away from the door.
“It’s under control.”
She exhales loudly. “Roman…” She sounds disappointed. “This will only lead to heartache.”
“I know!” he barks. I can picture him pacing the room like a caged tiger. “Did you ever think this was going to end in a happily ever after?”
Silence.
My breathing mounts.
“It won’t,” he finally concludes. “It never will.”
I can’t stand to be here a second longer, as I think I’m going to be sick.
Departing as quietly as I arrived, I make a mad dash for the door at the end of the hall. Once outside, I continue my sprint and slump up against a tree.
I never thought Roman and I would live happily ever after with two point three kids and a hybrid car, but I did think that maybe, especially after last night, the possibility of being together wasn’t so far-fetched. It appears I was wrong.
She’s right. This will end in heartache for so many reasons. The biggest elephant in the room is that I might die. Roman is healthy and strong, and me—I don’t know what I am anymore.
Am I not good enough for Roman? Is that what June is implying? And Roman? He said he doesn’t see us living happily ever after, so why did he kiss me? Did it not mean anything?
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out my cell and send him a text.
I hope you’re okay. Sorry about everything.
As far as texts go, it’s quite tame. I wait for ten, twenty, thirty minutes, but I never receive a response. When four hours pass and I’m still looking at my screen, I know something is awfully wrong.
Regardless of one’s misgivings, the globe will keep on turning. It’s a comforting thought knowing that something has structure and reliance in a turbulent world because I still haven’t heard from Roman.
After a day of endless activities and still unable to sit still, I end up in the only place that makes sense anymore. This place is my sanctuary. The sweet, floral smell is fused together with earthy undertones, and I instantly take a deep breath. The familiarities calm my raging heart.
Sadie’s rose is vibrant, the petals lively and in bloom; just how I like to imagine Sadie is wherever she may be. There is no judgment here, only understanding, and it’s times such as these when I need that empathy the most.
Slumped on the ground, I fist a handful of dirt and watch as it slips through my fingers. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” I whisper my fears aloud. “I thought I was on the right path, but I don’t know where that leads. For a split second, I thought I had a chance at being normal, but now, I feel so lost…and alone…again.”
Arching my neck, I peer up into the star-filled sky and wish for a sign, an answer to what I should do next. Things with Roman were never easy, but they made sense. In a world of chaos, he was my true north, but now, I’m so far off course I’m afraid I’ll never find my way back home.
“I’m scared,” I confess, engrossed by each star, hoping one will lead me where I should go. “Please give me a sign of what I should do.” None shine brighter than any others, shattering all hope that one has the all-healing answer waiting for me in the cosmos.
Sighing, I toss a fistful of dirt onto the ground, feeling more frustrated and empty than ever before. I’m losing the people I love, but worse still, the person I love is here, but he may as well be gone too.
“I thought I’d find you here.”
I inhale sharply, unsure if this is a sign or a curse.
My eyes shoot upward, ensuring my wistful mind isn’t conjuring a voice I’ve been so desperate to hear. But it appears I’m not going crazy because before me stands Roman. It feels like years, not mere hours since I last saw him.
My fingers itch to touch him, but I shun temptation. “You found me,” I halfheartedly reply. The question is, now that he’s found me, what does he plan to do?
I’m thankful he doesn’t dally in pretenses. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” He needs to be a little more specific.
“For everything.”
I gulp. Does everything include our kiss? “Are you a-angry