me I have company, and that I have totally spaced.
Shaking my head, I gingerly meet her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Zoe. I’m just a little…distracted.”
“I can see that. Want to talk about it?”
“No!” I nearly yell.
My spoon catapults from my grip and skids along the table. Zoe looks down at it, then up at me. She hands it back as I cringe in my seat. The trials haven’t even started, and I’m already buckling under the pressure. I have no idea how I’ll keep this a secret.
Last night was intense, the most intense night of my life.
After Roman promised he’d take care of me, I went back to my room, confused and scared. This was a normal response, of course, considering I’d just done a 360 on a decision previously set in stone.
Hope seems to brighten the darkest of spaces, and that’s what I have. Hope this will work.
It may be a false sense of security, but having Roman with me every step of the way has changed my outlook. He said he’d organize everything, and we’ll start as soon as possible.
We both agreed not to tell a soul as it’s best we keep this between us. Although he’s qualified and licensed to do the trials, it’s not standard protocol to perform them outside a hospital. Not to mention, I’m a volunteer here.
I hate to put him in such a position, but the thought of doing this in a hospital is unbearable.
From the research I’ve done, the side effects are similar to the first set of trials. I don’t expect Roman to be on hand twenty-four seven because things can get ugly, and honestly, I’d rather he wasn’t there to witness me puking my guts up. It’s not going to be easy, but it never is.
My phone vibrates on the tabletop beside me.
Ready when you are.
My heart hastens because I didn’t think Roman could organize everything this quickly. Was he up all night? Either way, this is happening. And it’s happening right now.
“Everything all right?” Zoe asks.
“Y-yes, fine. I just have to do something. I’ll catch you later?” I hate keeping Zoe in the dark, but it’s better this way.
“Sure.” We say our goodbyes.
Needing a moment to catch my breath, I peer down at my phone, my fingers wavering over the buttons. This is my last chance to back out. Once I agree, it begins, and there’s no turning back. My life from this moment forward changes forever. But I won’t know whether it’s for the better unless I try.
Roman’s message stares back at me, the innocent phrase never seeming more important. Thinking back to standing among the roses and remembering all the lives lost, I let go of my reservations because I’m not ready to be planted among them.
My reply may not be poetic, but it amounts to a thousand words.
I’m ready.
And I am. There is nothing more I can say because, in this circumstance, actions speak louder than words.
With that thought in mind, I pocket my cell and turn, determined to see this through. My willpower diminishes, however, when I see Tamara standing a few feet away.
A brunette is talking to her, but she doesn’t appear to listen because her gaze is riveted on me. I hurriedly avert my eyes, giving away my guilt. She knows something is askew.
Using that as my driving force, I go the long way around, avoiding any possibility of bumping into her. I exhale loudly when I make it into the hallway unscathed.
It’ll be okay. I give myself a pep talk as I head toward Roman’s office.
The moment I knock on his door, he grants me permission to enter. He glances up at me from over his glasses. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I shut the door behind me and notice he’s sitting behind his desk buried beneath a mountain of paperwork. “Are those my files?”
He nods. “Yes. I had Dr. Carter’s office courier them overnight.”
“All of them?” I ask in awe, pointing at the mass of files. He nods once again. “Wow. Just who are you in the medical world?”
He smiles. “Please, take a seat.”
I do as he asks and peer around nervously. It suddenly feels so clinical.
His doctor mask slips into place as he opens a folder and reaches for a pen. “Okay, now, before we start, I’d like to run some blood tests, as it’s been a few months since labs were run. I know your vitals are good, so it’s really just the blood work we need before we begin.”