Between Us and the Moon - Rebecca Maizel Page 0,83

on the ripples in the blue depth of the water.

I am running out of time, I know that. Either I leave early and never speak to Andrew again or I say something. The truth is going to come out at the going-away party. Maybe I can invent some reason for Andrew to miss the party altogether. I have to go to the party, what am I talking about?

I groan but cover it up with a cough so Dad doesn’t notice. That’s ridiculous.

I want to dive in there with those seals. Bumper twists and turns in that water even though he can’t see a thing. I wish he knew how beautiful he looked.

Scarlett used to come to seal feeding day when we were little. We would come here and afterward go on the Fort Hill Walk. It is a trail that leads through the Eastham woods. A boardwalk snakes and curls through hundreds of moss-covered trees. It was magical to me then, a place with great but silent power.

We always went every year at the beginning of the summer and then again at the end. That reminds me that I have junior year orientation in a few weeks too. Summer goes by too fast. Everything I’ve done, all the places I’ve gone and people I met will slip away soon, just like the warm weather and salty air.

I have to go back to Rhode Island and back to my life. My life where I get my driver’s license this year and start prepping for the SATs. I don’t want to stand here anymore. Seal feeding day isn’t making me feel better like I thought it would. I walk over to Dad, who is still chatting with a couple of scientists.

“I’m gonna go for a walk,” I say. “Just go think for a while.”

“That essay’s got you distracted from Bumper and Lu Seal,” Dad says.

“You got it!” I lie, but manage a smile.

“Bean’s applying for the Waterman Scholarship . . .” Dad starts on his whole spiel about the comet and me. Some of the biologists wish me luck.

I say thank you and head out.

“Eleven months of calculations!” I hear Dad say before entering back into the main building. “A hundred percent accuracy.”

Even though I know the Alvin is not assembled, I head to the tool shop.

I keep thinking about the night of the party at that airport bistro. The night I wore that ridiculous dress. Mom thought I had been home but I had already been out for hours. That gnawing doubt I felt that night, that tidal pool churning in my stomach, swirls again.

I make it back to Building 40 and push through the double doors of the tech shop. I walk directly to the spot where the Alvin would usually stand, but the floor is bare.

It’s only been a minute, but Rodger stands by my side.

“You look like someone stole your puppy.”

“Mom’s allergic to dog hair.”

Rodger’s hand gently cups my shoulder. “You know, the Alvin is just the vessel,” he says. “It’s the scientist inside that counts.”

He leaves to do something important, like all the scientists do. Was the comet experiment important? Yes, I know in my heart the execution of that experiment was huge. I can track comets. I can track them from millions of miles away.

The Scarlett Experiment was important too. But it’s not that important anymore.

I stare at the floor where the ghost of the Alvin stands. Scarlett would never find beauty in the deepest sea. She barely likes sand on her toes.

Jim Morrison said, “break on through to the other side.” He said it over and over. Break on through, break on through, break on through. I text Andrew before I chicken out.

ME: I want to try out the Fort Hill trail. Want to come with me?

ANDREW: Never been. Totally game but stuck with work for the next few days.

ME: Perfect.

Andrew will be blindsided at the party. The time has come. And I’m doing it as soon as possible, before I can’t, before I break apart and fade away too.

TWENTY-FIVE

“HOW IS IT THAT I’M A LOCAL AND HAVE NEVER been here?” Andrew asks a few days later and slides out of the truck.

My heart is pounding so hard I’m nearly out of breath. This is it. The moment. We stand in the upper parking lot at the entrance to the Eastham, Fort Hill trail.

“I used to come here with my family,” I say and lean on the hood of the car. The trail leads through