Between Now and Heartbreak - Dylan Allen Page 0,57
surprise.
My head spins and I gaze up at his face in utter surprise.
“You…do?”
He grins.
“Yes. I do.”
Joy, the likes of which I’ve never known, floods my veins.
He wraps his arms around me and brings his face close to mine. “Forget about Duke. He’s not for you. I know I wasn’t here and he stepped in. But I’m the one. Your one. I know I’m leaving. But we’ll figure it out. I’ll come back in between tours. When you figure out art school, you can come to New York. I’ll help you find a place to live and all of that…”
He’s still talking but I don’t hear him anymore.
Every word he says feels like a step away from me.
What was I thinking?
He’s leaving. When my family gets back, everything will go back to where it was.
I haven’t had a connection like this, one that makes everything so clear, in my life. Not ever. But it’s not any different than last time.
He’ll leave. And I’ll have to deal with the fall out.
“Carter, I’m sorry. Everything is so different now. But not different enough. I can’t. I’m sorry.” I say quietly.
Slowly his face changes.
The appearance of a furrow in his brow precedes his frown. Then, there’s a flush in his cheeks and a flare in his nostrils before his full lips flatten .
You’re hurting him. My angel coos.
Better than risking everything. My devil bellows.
He puts his hands on his hips and looks down at the floor, shaking his head and his lips are moving.
“Are you talking to yourself?” I take a step toward him and his head comes up. The look in his eyes stops me dead in my tracks. He looks disillusioned, but defiant.
“Is it Duke?” His voice is dark and a shiver runs up my spine.
“I mean, partly, yes.”
He growls “You haven’t talked to him once in the weeks that he’s been gone.”
“You don’t know that.” He’s not wrong, but he doesn’t know with the certainty he’s proclaiming.
“Oh, I do know. Because I’ve been here every night for three weeks. You fall asleep at that table every night, listening to me play. You eat dinner with me. You spend your weekends cooped up here with me. I know I’m the last man you fucked. I know your pussy wet for me right now. You’re with me. What the fuck does Duke have to do with any of this?”
“Carter, we’re on a break, I can’t—”
“Being on a break from him is stupid, Beth.” He slices the air with his hand.
After years of being called that by my father and feeling it myself, I recoil when I hear it from his mouth.
“Stupid?” I ask incredulously.
“The guy was boning your coworker and she humiliated you in front of your family and friends, and probably told everyone at work about it. And yet you’re going to say no to this because of him..”
I walk up to him and poke my finger in his chest, my face mutinously angry.
“Don’t call me stupid. Not ever again.”
He shakes his head in disappointment. “You know I don’t think you’re stupid. You just want a reason to be mad at me, too.”
His expression softens, but only in intensity. He looks tired and sounds defeated. I put my hands on his crossed arms and plead up at him.
“Carter, Please. Can we just keep doing what we’ve been doing? Why can’t that be enough?”
He steps away from me and looks at me like I’m an alien.
“Enough? I just told you that I fucking love you. I’ve never told anyone that. And I know it’s only been three weeks, but I mean it.”
My breath hitches. I love him, too. But so what? I’m not free to choose my love. And I’m afraid to choose it. Because I know it’s not enough to keep me safe from my father.
He looks out of the window, he lips compressed in a thin line. “I wish I didn’t love you. I’m sick of lies and the people who tell them. I’m done dangling from your thread while you work out whatever. It’s time for me to go back home.”
He stands and walks out of the room. The thud of his footfalls tracks his journey up to his room and the slam of his bedroom door is the end of it.
The resounding quiet that follows is terrifying.
I have ruined this.
He’s angry and now he’s leaving.
I struggle to draw breath and my blood feels too thick for my veins.