Between Now and Heartbreak - Dylan Allen Page 0,56
for that.”
She steps back and tilts her head up to censure me with her eyes, “You wouldn’t be pissed if I went out on a date?”
For a second, I’m afraid my head might explode.
“Beth, do you hear yourself? You’ve held me at arm’s length. Asked me to live with just being your friend. You have a fucking ex fiancé who is always in between us. You. Don’t. Get. To. Be. Pissed. At. Me.” I know I’m shouting, but I can’t help it.
She jumps up from the bench and crosses her arms over her chest like she’s cold.
“I know! And don’t yell at me.” Her voice is angry, but her eyes are fretful.
What is so hard about this?
We’re so damn good together.
She lets out a soft sigh, and trains her gaze on the floor. “Oh, Carter. What do I do?”
Seeing her conflicted so nakedly makes everything inside me of ache but I’m not going to make this easy for her. She has to make a choice. I’m not doing this anymore.
“That’s up to you, Queen Beth. You know what I want.”
She looks down, away from the demand my eyes are making.
I tip her chin up and force her to meet my eyes.
She’s smiling. But her eyes are sad.
“Don’t smile at me when you don’t mean it.” I say and brush a light kiss across her forehead before I let her go.
“So, what do you say?”
Tears cling to her lashes before she brushes them away with the back of her hand and then closes her eyes for the longest three seconds of my life.
When she opens her eyes and her tears are gone and blue pinwheels of regret swirl in front of me. My stomach falls, disbelief howls in my head, but I can see the truth plain as day.
This girl is about to break my fucking heart.
It feels like I’ve got two hearts in my chest, one is breaking and one is beating frantically against my chest, begging not to be left behind.
Her eyes dart suddenly over my shoulder and grow wide, her face drains of color and she lets out a blood curdling scream.
22
MERCY
BETH
A huge spider is crawling on top of the piano and I nearly bust my ass scrambling away from it. I’ve got a real phobia. Seeing it made me forget everything else for a second.
“What in the world is going on?” Carter looks behind me.
I point, panicked. “There’s a spider. Kill it,” I scream and point.
He scoffs, “I thought there was fucking chainsaw murderer standing behind me or something.”
“Close enough. Please,” I beg, not taking my eyes off the creature.
He walks over calmly and just looks at it. Then he picks up a piece of note paper from the stack and puts it in the spider’s path. I watch in horror as crawls onto it and he carries it over to the window, slides it open and throws it outside.
I walk over to him and eye him askance. “That must be a city thing. Around here we just squish ‘em with our heel.”
His smile is rueful, now. “He wasn’t hurting anybody. I know what it is to go from minding your own business to suddenly facing certain destruction. And I know what it means to be given a lift instead of being crushed. Once you’ve received mercy, you’re more inclined to give it. Makes the world a better place.” He laughs deprecatingly and waves the paper.
I don’t know about mercy, but he makes my world a better place. I want to tell him that, but I can barely breathe around tears clogging my throat.
This is the man I used to dream about. And he’s right here. Offering himself to me.
And I can’t have him.
“Are you okay?” His brow furrows in concern and he reaches a hand out toward the bare skin of my shoulder, like he’s going to touch me. The skin there, exposed and vulnerable, feels hypersensitive, like my nerves are reaching out, trying to meet his hand half way.
His head lowers, and in his eyes, I see the same helpless confusion I feel…
“What are we going to do?” I whisper, and bite my lower lip as I stare at his.
His eyes narrow and dart to my lips before coming back to mine.
“I want you to be with me …I love you,” his voice is full of wonder. His breath wafts over my lips but his words send shockwaves to my senses.
Oh my God. He said it first. My first response is a giddy ripple of