Between Now and Heartbreak - Dylan Allen Page 0,36
before I hear rustling sheets.
“Oh. Carter. Hey. Hold on.” She’s clears her throat. It’s so easy to picture her. Those limpid eyes drowsy and heavy- lidded with sleep. Her face flushed, her lips puffy, all of that hair tousled, free and loose on her pillow. Her body warm and soft and ready…
I shouldn’t have called her.
“I didn’t mean to wake you, I’ll call again tomorrow.”
“No, it’s okay. I can talk,” and there’s a tenderness in her voice that feels undeserved after the way I spoke to her today.
“I wanted to say that I’m sorry about today. I was rude and you were just trying to be nice.”
She’s quiet for a beat and then she says, “Thank you for saying that. And I’m sorry I just showed up like that. I got a bit of a wild hair this morning. I should have just found a way to talk to you the next time I saw you.”
“Well, with me avoiding you and all, that would have been near to impossible.” I admit with a deprecating laugh.
“I knew it,” her voice is full of triumph at being right.
“I guess I wasn’t that subtle.” I sigh.
“Not really,” She says.
“So… who was that lady today? At the church?”
“Oh, uh Jo. She’s a relative of my father. I’m just doing some research on my family.” It’s not quite a lie, but it doesn’t feel good to be dishonest with her. I’m just not ready to tell anyone until I know the whole story myself.
“Oh, is that why you’re here?” She asks.
“Partly. I’m sure you saw my public meltdown. Half the world did. I didn’t cope well with my dad’s passing. And, I’m not sure it was really unusual, but it was all captured on camera. And now, it’s all anyone wants to talk to me about. I just wanted to get away from that for a while.”
“Oh man, I’m so sorry. I, uh – I saw the footage of you at the piano. I hated that for you. I know how much you must miss your dad.”
God, this woman, empathy must be her superpower. As usual, there’s no judgement there.
“I do. I’m not being super productive, but I’m sleeping better than I have in a long time,” I admit.
“Are you seeing Etta?” Her question surprises shouldn’t surprise me given what she saw at the record’s office. But, I’d forgotten all about Etta.
“She’s my realtor. She was showing me around town, and helping me with an errand that day. I take it you’re not a fan,” I say.
“She dated Duke for a bit. So, she kind of hates me. But I’m sure she told you all of that already.”
That is surprise. Not that Duke would date Etta, but that she, who seems like she wouldn’t take shit from anyone, would date a guy like him.
“No, actually, she didn’t mention that.”
“She was one of the people I was with the night I met you.”
I sit up.
“She was?”
“Yeah…she was kind of the ringleader.”
I remember how I’d wanted to break something when she told me that story.
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Etta left out a lot of inconvenient details when she talked about Beth.
“No, don’t be and honestly, I shouldn’t have asked you that. It’s none of my business.” She says.
“Of course it is,” I say.
She’s quiet for a minute. A long minute that’s bursting at the seams with silent indecision. I let her grapple with it, glad that it’s a struggle.
“I wish that could be true,” she says in a wistful tone.
“Why can’t it be?”
She lets out a low groan. “Ugh, God. So many reasons.”
I sit up, ready to argue. “Look, someone got in our way. Our wires got crossed. Life went haywire. You were clearly in a bad place, and so was I. But I’ve never stopped wanting you. And after the library, I know you want me, too. And you’re single now, right? You told me you broke up. What’s stopping us?”
“It’s not that straight forward. Things with Duke are complicated.”
The mention of his name, the sound of it on her lips, grates on me.
“Don’t be so fucking vague, Beth. Why aren’t you wearing his ring?”
“He’s not faithful.”
“What’s complicated about that? And what’s it got do with us?”
“I’m not the same girl, Carter.” Her voice is serious and her words seem ripped from the story of my own life.
“I’m not the same either, but my feelings are exactly what they were.”