rehearsed fox trot. Jessica insisted they take dance lessons for the past year, so it is no surprise they look flawless on the dance floor. Steven and I make some more casual banter throughout the rest of their dance, and say even less to each other when Jessica dances with her father.
Soon enough, the DJ invites everyone up to dance and the hall fills up with a slow country song. Steven puts his hand out and asks me to join him. I agree, thinking I have nothing to lose. I walk hand in hand with him and see Ben glaring at us and completely distracted from his conversation with Eric and Matthew. I pretend I don’t see him, and continue on with a guilty free conscious. Besides, what does he care? There was no title between us, and I am free to do what I want, with whomever I want - Clearly that is his mantra.
Steven pulls me into him and I inhale the most delicious scent of his cologne. I can’t help but notice he even dances classy. He leads, placing one hand in mine and resting one hand on my lower back. He sways us back and forth, chatting about how his mother taught him how to dance as a child. I think how wonderful Steven’s family must be. I envision them all wearing holiday themed sweaters at Christmas time, and playing board games on a Friday night around a roaring fire, drinking hot cocoa and eating a delicious lemon cake.
Ben appears right behind Steven, holding onto Stephanie’s lower back and knocking me out of my fantasy. She tosses around her long auburn curls and holds two shot glasses in either hand. They awkwardly sway to the music and I hear her offer Ben a shot, but he declines. I try to look away and keep my face as unaffected as possible, but I can’t stop watching them. I keep on convincing myself this is what I wanted. I am choosing not be with Ben because clearly he is bad boyfriend material, and there is no possible way we would ever work out. I need a man like Steven, reliable, sure of himself, and monogamous.
“Want a shot of Jägermeister?” Stephanie shouts out, waving the shot right in front of me.
I blink, completely taken off guard, “No thanks.”
“Awe come on Megan, just do it.” Stephanie whines over the music and shoves it in my face.
I look to Steven for disproval, but instead he insists I take it. I do, even though I am already feeling blurry around the edges from my vodka and water consumption. Stephanie laughs and wraps her arms around Ben. He twirls her around and brushes his warm hard body against my back. He looks back at me with a scowl and I bite my tongue. I will never let him see how he affects me ever again. Steven shifts in my arms and says, “Is something wrong?”
“Nope, everything’s perfect.” I mumble and keep my eyes to the floor.
Chapter 18
I would rather find myself running buck naked through the streets of Costa Rica with a monkey on my back, than surrendering to my feelings of envy over Ben and Stephanie. Here I am trying to be as mature and poised as possible, innocently sharing a slow dance with Steven. Yet Ben has chosen to let Stephanie suggestively dry hump him on the dance floor right in front of me. Who does Ben think he is?
Ben keeps perfect eye contact with me and sways Stephanie from side to side. He laughs at everything she whispers in his ear, which I know isn’t funny. Stephanie rarely makes for riveting conversation, let alone witty banter. I remain locked in Steven’s arms thinking Ben knows exactly what he’s doing. He is trying to make me jealous, but I will not let him get the better of me. I refuse to engage in his childish mind-games. I will not succumb to him.
How on earth, did it boil down to this? We were friends, the best of friends. How did I suddenly become subject to irrational feelings of lust, jealously, and heartache over Ben? I am blinded by numb disbelief when I think of him in his old wrinkled Nirvana t-shirt at the ripe age of sixteen, followed by an image of us young and dumbly cruising around in his mother’s mini-van rocking out to Blink 182 and eating cheeseburgers from McDonalds. I wish so badly we were back in those moments,