bed beside me. I pull the covers up to my mouth, bite down and let out a muffled cry. Why did I let Ben see me like such a wreck? I should have never let my guard down. I should have never let him see me cry. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
I catch a glimpse of my turquoise bridesmaid dress hanging in the closet and feel completely empty. I want to be happy and excited for the wedding today; there is no reason why I shouldn’t be. Despite Ben’s ultimate betrayal, the sun is still shining, Jessica is about to marry the love of her life, and I am on vacation (something I haven’t taken since I started my real estate career).
I want to shake myself. Stop it! What are you moping about? You knew what Ben was like!
I should have known he would end up breaking my heart. It was inevitable that he would eventually disappoint me. He is not ready to settle down and probably never will be. Now I am doing the one thing I never wanted to do. I am choosing to lose him as a friend forever. A tiny unwanted whimper escapes my lips, but I suck back my emotions and pull myself together. Today is not about me and Ben - it is about Jessica and Michael.
****
The morning flies by like a blur, and I spend the rest of my afternoon trapped inside the Spa tending to Jessica’s every little need in preparation for her big day. I still feel like garbage, and have been less than approachable with hunched shoulders and a permanent frown. Jessica either doesn’t notice my miserere, or she is just ignoring it. Either way, by the time we get our hair done, eat a generous plate of tropical fruit, and drink a dozen morning mimosas; Jessica is still all smiles. I on the other hand can’t manage to stand up straight or even look Stephanie in the eye. Every time she opens her mouth I cringe with anger. Just having her in my presence, makes me sick, because it is a continual reminder that Ben is a man-whore who can keep his prick in his pants.
While Jessica’s stylist adds the finishing touches to her sleek bun, Mrs. Ellis presents Jessica with a gorgeous diamond necklace for her something new and an old antique ring that belonged to her deceased Grandmother for something old. I help Jessica tie the ring to her bouquet so it dangles perfectly from her flowers when she walks down the aisle. Just like a good maid-of-honour should.
Then it’s my turn for something borrowed. Jessica looks expectantly at me, vibrating with excitement. I reach into my clutch, and limply hand her my Sephora exclusive Disney Cinderella compact mirror.
Jessica squeals and yanks it out of my fingers, “I knew that was what you were going to let me borrow.”
I try to force a smile and share in her glee, but my body takes over and shrugs with wide eyes staring off into space. We once spent many play dates as kids imagining and re-enacting the whole Cinderella movie. Jessica would always insist she played Cinderella, because she had the long blonde hair, while I was left playing one of the miserable stepsisters. When Sephora came out with that classy little compact, I rushed there to buy one. When Jessica saw my purchase, she insisted she had to have one too. But because it was a limited edition, by the time she got there they were all sold out. It killed her I had one and she didn’t, so it only made perfect sense it became her something borrowed for today.
Tears form in Jessica’s eyes as she wraps her arms around my neck and whispers for me to place it in her clutch.
Stephanie pipes up, “What do you have for something blue?”
Jessica smiles with a devilish grin, “My bra and panties of course. I have a sexy baby blue ensemble hidden under these layers of silk.”
Mrs. Ellis gasps, and puts her hand over her mouth. Jessica laughs and gives her mom a playful shove, “Don’t worry mother, I swear I am still a virgin.”
“Oh, Jessica” Mrs. Ellis laughs and everyone except me shares a giggle.
In order to finalize Jessica’s look, we head up to the Ellis’s villa. The ceremony is less than an hour, when Mrs. Ellis and myself help Jessica into her lavish strapless organza high-low gown. It is breathtaking. Adorned with beaded detail and a dropped waist that