Stephanie and Michelle share a concerned glance and take a sip of their drinks.
“What do you want me to say? I like your hair both ways.”
“I want to you to say what I should do. You’re my maid-of-honor. That’s part of your job.” Jessica pouts.
I feel like the worst maid-of-honor ever. If I can’t even help my best friend decide on how she should style her hair, how am I ever going to make up my mind on how I feel about Ben?
A gleam of concern rises in Jessica’s eyes, “How’s the maid-of-honour speech coming?”
Stephanie and Michelle quickly turn away and abandon me with bridezilla. They have been caught in this topic before, and know to get out while they can. Jessica has been a little crazy lately with her obsession on this speech.
“It’s going.” I say wearily.
Jessica frowns, “How many times do I have to tell you how crucial a good maid-of-honour speech is?”
“Don’t worry. I promise it will be up to snuff.”
Jessica crosses her arms in front of her chest and reminds me I am not allowed to bring up embarrassing stories from her past, and I definitely cannot highlight any volatile fights between her and Michael. I agree and try my hardest to engage in a committed conversation with her, but when Ben smiles over at me from the other end of the table, it’s all over. I gaze into his sexy brown eyes and find myself wandering off from Jessica’s continual chatter. His strong jaw line and five o’clock shadow makes my heart palpitate in my chest. When he licks his bottom lip, I have to stop myself from flying across the table and ripping off his shirt. It is in this moment that I try to convince myself I really can keep Ben and I’s situation a secret.
I can do this.
Besides, everyone has a few secrets. I can think of three secrets none of my friends know about me; including Jessica and Ben:
1. I own Karaoke Revolution for my Nintendo Wii and yes, I sing to it when I am alone. It is hidden under my mattress like a teenage boy would hide his Penthouse magazine.
2. I love watching all Disney Pixar movies. Every time a new one is released, I rent it, pop it into my DVD player and rip open a bag of chips to munch on.
3. I hate my mother’s banana bread. I pretend I like it, because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But when she isn’t looking, I feed it to her Basset Hound.
Ben leans back in his chair and stretches out his long legs and places his hands behind his head. He is so calm and relaxed - completely unfazed by the lies we fed our friends. Why was he so adamant on not telling anybody? Of course this answer is simple: Ben can’t commit to anyone. It occurs to me this should probably hurt my feelings, but instead it makes me question why I am consciously letting myself get trapped in this weird, friends with benefits situation. What on earth am I thinking? I roll my shoulders back and forth to loosen my muscles. Ben may be a player, but I have faith he would never risk our friendship for sex. Would he?
Then I think how surprised I am by my restraint on keeping this all from Jessica. I figure my control over this situation must be a mix of two things: One because of all the wedding hype, and two because I am in too deep with Steven. If I tell Jessica now, she will be furious. What I need to do, is let the Steven situation fizzle out naturally. If I don’t, the repercussions from Jessica will be nothing short of a dramatic squabble followed by a serious best friend demotion.
I make a promise to myself that no matter what happens, I will come clean and tell her – of course not until the wedding is over. In my defense, I do not want to divert any of the attention from her to me at all this week. This is her wedding and her big day. Burdening her with my problems would only put me in complete breech of my maid-of-honor contract.
I hear Jessica’s voice, prompting me with a high pitched “Okay?”
I have zoned out to the point of entirely missing what she was talking about. I nod in agreement and worry I have just signed my life away.