Better If He Goes (Always You #1) - Allie Everhart Page 0,40

could get a new one. This one came from the dumpster and smells like cigarettes and mold.

"Has she ever gone for treatment?" Brad asks.

I shake my head. "We can't afford treatment. Even if we could, she wouldn't go. She doesn't think she has a problem. She says if she was a drunk, she wouldn't have kept her job this long."

"Has she shown up to work drunk?"

"At least once a month, sometimes more. But she doesn't get in trouble for it. Renee, our boss, just sends her home."

"How could she not get fired for that?"

I sigh. "Long story."

"One you don't want to talk about?"

My eyes lift to his and I see his concern. Genuine concern, like he really does care and isn't just asking because he feels like he has to.

"It's not that. It's just—" I pause, turning to him. "My mom had me at 15. She got pregnant at fourteen. The guy, my dad, told her he loved her, but he only said it so she'd have sex with him. She never saw him again after that night. When her dad found out she was pregnant, he beat my mom so badly she passed out. When she woke up, he was gone."

"Where'd he go?"

"He drove out to the woods." I pause. "And shot himself."

"Holy shit," Brad mutters. He reaches over and takes my hand. "Riley, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I never knew him. Actually, I'm happy I never did. He was an abusive bastard. And it sounds like my grandma wasn't much better. She took off when my mom was three. Never came back."

"So your grandfather..." Brad waits for me to confirm it.

"Killed himself. The bullet went through his brain. He was dead when they found him. He left a note in his truck telling my mom it was her fault. That she's the reason he killed himself."

"Fuck," Brad says, shaking his head. "No wonder your mom's so messed up."

"Nate says that's just an excuse and she needs to get over it, but it's not that easy."

"So what happened to her? After her dad died?"

"She went into foster care. She didn't get along with her foster parents so she took off when she turned 18. I was almost three at the time. We would've been living on the streets, but then Renee, the lady who owns the salon, told her aunt about us. Her aunt's a social worker. She took us in. She paid for my mom to go to beauty school, then got her the job at the salon. She made my mom start paying her rent, but she was actually saving the money so my mom wouldn't spend it. She used the money to get us the trailer. We moved in when I was six and have been here ever since."

"When did your mom start drinking?"

"Right after she had me. She gets worse after a breakup, I think because it reminds her of her dad leaving her. Even if she's the one breaking it off, she still loses it. She can't handle people leaving her. That's why I haven't moved out. Well, that and because I don't have the money."

"You can't stay with her forever," Brad says. "I understand where you're coming from, but—"

"I know. Nate says the same thing. I'm just worried what will happen to her if I leave. And I feel like..." I stop, not wanting to say it because part of me knows it's not true and yet the guilt still eats away at me.

"Feel like what?" Brad asks. He's still holding my hand, softly rubbing his thumb over it, calming me and making me want to tell him more.

"I um...I kind of feel responsible sometimes."

"For what?"

"For the way she is. If she never got pregnant with me, her life would've been totally different. Her dad wouldn't have killed himself and—"

"Okay, stop." Brad sits up straighter and looks in my eyes. "What happened to your mom isn't your fault. Your mom's the one who got pregnant. And everything that happened after that had nothing to do with you. You know that, right?"

"For the most part, yeah, but sometimes I can't help but think I'm the reason my mom's so messed up."

"You need to stop thinking that way. You're not the reason your mom's an alcoholic. There are lots of reasons people drink. From what Nate's told me, it sounds like she'd be a lot worse if it weren't for you."

"Which is why I feel like I can't leave her." I take my hand from Brad's