Better than the Book (Charitable Endeavors #4) - M.E. Carter Page 0,2
infect my celebrity crush?”
Another coughing fit takes over and I try to hack up a lung before continuing our conversation. Here I thought I felt bad this morning. Turns out it was adrenaline and excitement keeping me from hitting rock bottom. Once my dreams shattered, my body apparently when right down the tubes with it.
“I’m so sorry, honey. I know how much you were looking forward to this.” I knew she’d understand. What I don’t understand is why she sounds winded. I bet it has something to do with that weird squirrel of hers. Yes, I said squirrel. I don’t get it. Squirrels are up there with vampires in my book. Both of which she loves.
“I know you’re trying to make me feel better about the fact that I’m dying without ever meeting the man I’ve been crushing on for so long, but I don’t think you do know how I feel. Have you ever had your dreams shattered and stomped on while you lie in bed and cough up a lung?”
“Where the hell is he?”
“Where is who?” My poor voice sounds all raspy and phlegmy. This just keeps getting worse.
“Did I say that out loud?”
“Yes, you did. And the fact that you didn’t realize it means you’re feeling frazzled. Tell me what’s going on. Take my mind off the worst day of my life.”
I suppose if missing a con is this life shattering, I’m doing pretty good. Tomorrow I will concentrate on that part. Today is my day to wallow.
“I can’t find Luke.”
As suspected, it’s about the weird squirrel.
Another cough from me. Another sniffle. And finally the question I’m dying to understand. “How did you lose him? He’s got the longest, bushiest tail ever. It’s probably sticking out from under the couch now.”
“I already looked there,” she says, and I finally understand why she sounds winded. She’s probably running from room to room playing hide-and-seek with a rodent. “At first I thought he was hiding, but now I bet he’s sleeping somewhere.”
I shake my head at the ridiculousness and immediately throw my hand up to my head. Bad idea. The extra movement makes my brain feel sloshy. Not a good feeling.
“You’re the only person I know who would get stuck housing a squirrel who has narcolepsy.”
She giggles because she knows I’m right. “At least he’s healthy. Doc saw him yesterday and gave him a clean bill of health.”
I snort laugh, which is not a good idea in my condition. The pressure felt like I was trying to blow up my own brain.
“You just better hope that thing doesn’t turn on you when he realizes he’s an adult male squirrel and should be outside with the other rodents.”
I can practically hear the eye roll from here. Carrie and I agree on most things. Rodents and vampires, not so much.
“If he was going to turn feral, he would have done it by now. Animals are smart. Some of them just know they’d never survive in the wild, so they adapt to living with humans. Oh here he is!”
“Where was he?” I ask, more out of curiosity than concern.
“From the awkward position he’s lying in, looks like he fell asleep trying to build a nest under my pillow.”
Ohmigod I want to throw up again. And because of the flu. “Eww. Yuck. He’s on your pillow?”
“He was not on my pillow. He was under it.”
“Suuuure. It took you three hours to find him. I’m sure he was on top of it, rubbing his little squirrel butt all over it before you found him.”
“Yes,” she deadpans, “because that’s what they do. Rub their butts on things for fun. You’re ridiculous, you know that?”
“Says the woman who lives with a rodent with a medical disability.”
“Are you sure you can’t go to that con? You’re sounding awfully sarcastic for someone who claims to be sick.”
“My pending death is making me pissy! Leave me alone!” I yell, which is a bad, bad idea. It immediately throws me into another coughing fit and now I have to pee too. This one takes way longer, and I’m surprised Carrie doesn’t hang up on me. She’s a good friend, like that. “I think I need to go lie down. Sitting doesn’t agree with me,” I croak and slowly push to the standing position.
“I think that is a very smart idea. Take a nap, and text me when you get up. I wanna make sure you’re not dead.”
“If you don’t hear from me, tell my sister she owes my funeral a