The Betrayal of Maggie Blair - By Elizabeth Laird Page 0,114

hasn't got long. See Musketeer Sharpus? He's standing by the door. He'll show you the way."

A chill of dread froze me.

"What do you mean? What's the matter?"

"Just get in there."

I ran toward the barracks. The soldier, Musketeer Sharpus, had been watching. He beckoned me to the door. He didn't say anything but nodded to me to follow him, and so I did, up a narrow stone stair and into a small dark loft, into which only a little light could struggle through the cracks in a shutter that covered the window at one end.

Tam was lying on a heap of straw. Even in the dim light, I could see death staring at me from out of his frightened blue eyes.

"Tam!" I dropped down on to my knees beside him. "Tam, no! It's me! Please, Tam."

With what seemed like an extreme effort he turned his head to look at me.

"Maidie!" The word was no more than a breath.

I picked up his hand. It was horribly cold. I rubbed it between my own. I was shaken with terror.

"I can't manage without you, Tam," I cried. "You mustn't die! What will I do?"

How could I have been so selfish? How could I have thought, at that moment, only of myself?

He tried to say something, and I leaned forward but couldn't catch the word.

"Water," he mouthed.

The musketeer called out, "Bring the old fellow some water!"

There was a clatter on the stairs, and a moment later a beaker was put into my hands. I lifted Tam's head and held the water to his mouth. Even the effort of swallowing seemed too much for him, but when he'd managed it, his eyes were a little clearer and he was able to speak more easily.

"I'm frightened," he whispered. "I'm a sinner, Maidie."

"No, no! Never to me, Tam."

"I stole that money in Edinburgh."

"I know. It doesn't matter."

"I've lied and cheated all my life. I'm a thief. I'm a—"

"You never hurt anyone. You risked everything to help people. To help me."

"I'm going to Hell, Maidie. I'm going to burn forever and ever."

I tried to think of words of comfort.

"God loves a sinner who repents, Tam," I said at last. "You repent, don't you?"

A tear trickled out of the side of one eye. I wiped it away with my finger.

"Aye. If I've harmed anyone, I'm sorry, right enough. But I can't be sorry for the drinking and the dancing and the joy of all that."

"I wish I knew what to say!" I cried, desperate to comfort him. "I don't know what's a sin and what isn't! But maybe if you just say, 'Jesus, I'm sorry for all my sins, and please let me go to Heaven,' that will make it all right."

He managed to turn his head, and in his eyes I saw helpless doubt and fear.

"Would I not be out of place in Heaven, Maidie, amongst all the ministers and preachers?"

"No," I said, suddenly inspired. "My mother's there. She'll be your friend."

The worry lines left his forehead as he relaxed into a trembling smile.

"Oh yes, right enough. Say the words again. I'll say them after you."

I repeated my pathetic little prayer, and he mouthed each word after me. Then he turned such eyes of love on me that I felt my heart ache with sorrow and gratitude. I wanted to tell him everything I felt, but my throat was too tight. I couldn't speak. Anyway, he was struggling to say something.

"You've been the joy—the joy of my..."

He never finished. His eyes, which had gently closed on this last sentence, flew open, and his breathing changed, coming fast and rattling in his chest.

"Tam! Don't go! Tam!"

I was holding his hand tight and shaking it.

"He can't see or hear anything now," said Musketeer Sharpus. I realized then that he'd been standing beside us all this time.

I watched, my heart in my eyes, waiting, until Tam took a last shuddering breath, and then no more.

I saw, I felt his soul leaving. As it took flight, his eyes glazed, and his body seemed to shrink in lifelessness.

"Open the shutter!" I cried out. "Let him out!"

The man had done so already.

I knelt and kissed Tam's cheek, which had grayed at once to the color of stone.

"You've gone to Heaven, Tam, I know you have. Straight as an arrow. Jesus loves you, because you loved me."

I didn't cry. Not then. I felt frozen. I rocked back on my heels, staring at all that was left of Tam, and I would have been there for hours