my presence. But I’d witnessed it around others. I really hadn’t thought much of it when we would go out to eat and he’d lower his voice or just tell me what it was he wanted.
And based on the face that he was making, he was struggling with explaining it, which was actually just more proof that he might be. “I’ve always struggled with strangers,” he admitted with a half-smile. “I didn’t start speaking until I was three. Mum had to take me to therapy for it. Then, when I did start talking, it was only around my family. In school, some of the boys, and the girls, teased me over it, and that made me want to say things less, I reckon.”
The urge to go back in time and kick a bunch of little kids in the ass was really strong then.
Jonah gave me a twisted smile in the darkness of Mo’s bedroom. “I told you I was this skinny wee thing. No girls liked me back then, and I’ll tell you that messes with a mate’s head. It changes the way you see things and people when you get teased for being yourself, like you’ve got some other choice in the matter. Once I grew, everything changed. The only thing that made me special to other people was my size and being good at footy. So, yeh. I had a hard time with people I didn’t know then, and now it’s worse, you know. Not just with talking, but with trusting another person to do… things like that with.”
That? Sex?
And seriously, what asshole had been teasing him back in the day for being skinny and little?
He couldn’t read my mind, so he didn’t answer or explain, but he did keep moving right along. “Everyone is out for fame or for more than that. If I told you the stories I’ve heard about the things some women have done… asking for money, tampering with protection, phone footage…”
Unfortunately, I knew all about that.
“Women don’t want me because they know me, Lenny,” he explained softly. “They only see the jersey. Not me.” He paused. “I’m sure you know that with all your manly knowledge.”
“My manly knowledge?” was what my mouth repeated.
And it made Jonah smile like he hadn’t just told me about being teased for the things he couldn’t change as a kid and how it had affected him then and even now as an adult. He could go out there and play in front of thousands and thousands of people, but talking to strangers was what made his balls sweat. Because somewhere deep down inside, he expected them to make fun of him too, I guessed.
And I couldn’t remember the last time something had touched me so deeply.
Or made me want to protect him that much more.
How hard must it be for him to play this sport he loved, be so good at it and popular, and get so much negative shit for it at the same time? It made sense now more than ever why he had fallen into such a black hole after his injury. Because of how other people had made him feel. Because they had made him think the only special thing about him was rugby. Hadn’t his own mom brought that up during lunch multiple times? His career and success?
This fucking man.
I didn’t know how someone I still wanted to hate could slip so deeply under my ribs. I really didn’t.
“You said it,” Jonah quietly teased back after a moment. “You grew up around professional athletes. You know what it’s like for us.”
I scowled at him.
He smiled. “But I don’t want to talk about that anymore, eh. My mum was awful to you, and that’s what’s important. It’s my fault, Len. All I told her was that I was off to holiday once the season ended. All I was expecting was to come and talk to you and see if you could forgive me.”
I swallowed his words and tried to process what they meant.
“Then you told me about Mo and….” His plans had changed. His life had. I got it. “She was upset when I mentioned I was spending the rest of my time here instead of going back to En Zed. I was going to explain, but… I just wanted to enjoy this as much as I could. She must have known something was going on because she called every day. Most I’ve talked to her since I was a boy.” The hand he