them, she knew exactly what he meant. “You don’t have to. But why didn’t you talk to me, tell me how you felt?”
“I wanted you to be happy.”
“At the expense of your own happiness? A marriage doesn’t work if only one person is happy, Owen. You have to know that.”
“Yeah, I know. But I was just so damn tired all the time. I didn’t know what was wrong with me yet. I just felt like I was walking around in some kind of fog. I didn’t have it in me to have that conversation with you, knowing what would follow.” He managed a smile. “You’re kind of a force to be reckoned with, Erin Bellini.”
She blew out a breath of frustration. “I would have been pissed. I was pissed. But we’d have gotten through it. I wish we could have talked about it. I wish I’d known about your diagnosis. I wish I could have been there for you, even if we weren’t together.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Are you going to be okay?”
He nodded. “The doctors say my prognosis is really good. It’s stage one, only one lymph-node area. They caught it early.”
Despite her terror, a measure of relief fell over her. He’d beat this. Owen was young and strong.
“Did you tell your parents? Please tell me you have a support system.”
“I did tell them, finally. And yeah, they’re going to help me.”
“That’s good.”
“They were really pissed at me about not telling them. And for not being honest with you about everything.”
Her lips curved. “That’s good, too.”
“I’m glad you came over. I’ve been anticipating and dreading this conversation for a long time.”
Despite his illness, part of her was kind of glad he’d been uncomfortable about talking to her. She knew it was petty, but there it was. “Same.”
“I still feel like I owe you a lot in the way of explanation.”
“You don’t have to give it all today. But I think we both know where we stand. How we both felt. It took me a while to figure things out after . . . well, after that e-mail. At first, I was devastated, and then angry as hell with you. But then I had a lot of time to think, to come to some conclusions. I was blind to how I felt because I was so caught up in the wedding planning that I wasn’t seeing our relationship for what it was. Or what it wasn’t.”
“So you realized it, too. I thought it was just the illness making me question everything. But you felt it, too?”
She nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I was so caught up. Stupid of me.”
“No, it wasn’t. And I should have talked to you. About everything. About this, about how I felt. I’m really sorry, Erin. I fucked this all up.”
“Yes, you did. But the only thing you need to be thinking about right now is getting well.”
“I’m gonna be okay.”
“I know you will.”
And she was going to help him. They might not be together anymore, but that didn’t mean she was going to abandon him. Now that she knew the truth, she wasn’t going to walk away.
They talked awhile longer and she got some information about his treatment.
“Do you want me to go with you?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Nah. I’ve got this covered. But thanks.”
“Okay.” It felt weird, talking to him, but not being with him anymore. They’d been through years of friendship, then years of being a couple. And now they were just . . .
She didn’t know what they were anymore, but she just felt empty. She thought this meeting would go differently. She thought she was going to walk away from him with a clean slate, a new start.
And now?
Now everything was different.
“Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“I need you to quit being nice to me. Not after what I did.”
Through all this she’d learned that everything wasn’t such a huge deal, and if life didn’t turn out like she envisioned, her world wasn’t going to come to an end. So as Owen walked her to the door, she turned to face him and smiled. “Sometimes life throws us a curve we didn’t expect. We deal with it and adapt, you know?”
“Do I ever.”
“Okay, so you and I? We’re dealing. And we’ll both be fine.”
“Yeah, we will.”
She did something she hadn’t expected to do. She put her arms around him and hugged him. “I’ll talk to you soon.”