her clothes, walking away. I don’t move until I hear the bathroom door shut between us. It’s over. She and I, we’re done and even though I know it’s all my fault, I can’t help but to blame everyone else. Brad for keeping up apart and making us sneak around. Her for being so goddamn irresistible. Me, for letting myself get so fucking wrapped up in her. We’ve broken up, even though we can’t because technically we were never together. How do you grieve the loss of something you never had, of something that was never yours?
I hear the sounds of the shower turning on and the sinking feeling of being all alone swallows me up. I fix my clothing and get to work on cleaning up the mess I made in the kitchen. I have to scrub sauce off the floor and the cabinets where it splattered. I scrub the floor and put the dishes into the sink but don’t bother with them. Instead, I grab my keys and head for the door, needing to blow off some steam.
A little while later, I find myself pulling into Drake’s drive with a beer between my legs. I shut off the truck and take the beer into the barn where I find him and Colton working on the loft upstairs. I can hear banging and them talking. I take the stairs two at a time until I come into their view. They both stop what they’re doing and turn to face me. I plop down into a lawn chair and tip my beer back.
They study me, wondering what I’m doing here and probably sensing that something is off.
“What’s going on, man?” Drake asks, coming to sit on a pile of lumber that’s beside me.
I shrug. “Nothing much. What’s up with you guys?”
Colton drags the cooler over and sits on top of it. “Working. What’s brought you out so late?”
I tip the beer back again, this time finishing it off. “I’m fucked up,” I confess, noticing the way I see two of them instead of just one.
“How much have you had to drink?” Drake asks, always being the responsible one.
“I don’t know. I lost count. Since I lost her. I lost her,” I repeat it again, trying to make myself accept it. “I fucking lost her,” I say, but this time, it comes out with a bubble of laughter.
Drake and Colton look over at one another with wide eyes and then back to me.
“Who’d you lose, Hudson? I didn’t know you were even seeing anyone,” Colton says, standing and taking out three beers. Drake gives him a sidelong glance for offering me another beer, but he does it anyway.
“Deven. I lost her because I was too fucking afraid to tell Brad about us.”
“Deven? Brad? Who the fuck is Brad?” he asks.
Drake hangs his head and rubs his brows. “Brad is the brother of Deven, the girl that he’s been seeing.”
Colton looks from Drake to me. “So why are you afraid to tell her brother?”
“Because she’s his baby sister. He told me to keep my fucking hands off and of course, I didn’t!” I shake my head and scoff at myself. “Not only did I not keep my hands to myself, but I didn’t keep my dic—”
“Alright, we get it,” Drake cuts me off.
Colton laughs. “So, your friend told you she was off-limits and you’ve been fucking her behind his back?”
I nod. “Pretty much, yep. That’s exactly it. And not only have I been fucking her behind his back, but I’m been falling in love behind his back too.” I look up, glancing at the both of them. “I fucking love her, guys.”
My head falls back so I can only see the metal ceiling above me. “I love her, and I lost her. She’s gone. She’s never going to talk to me again. She’s never going to smile at me or look at me again. She’ll never let me touch her or fuck her again,” I ramble on.
“Okay, I think someone needs to sleep it off,” Drake says, grabbing me by the shoulders and lifting me up to my feet.
He wraps one of my arms around his shoulders, and Colton grabs the other as they help me down the stairs.
“God, I miss her already. Her smell—she smells so fucking good. And her soft skin, I swear it’s made of fucking silk or something. And her lips, they’re so soft and sweet.”
The two of them can’t do anything but laugh as they carry me