just confusing. I don’t like hiding things. I don’t like lying. I’ve always been an open book and I found that’s the best way to live. If I’m honest, there can’t ever be anything held against me, but now, I’m anything but honest. I’m a liar, I’m a backstabber. I’m a thief, taking something that isn’t mine. And on top of it all, I’m a shitty friend.
I try to put myself in Brad’s position, but it’s hard for me to do. I grew up the youngest of five boys. There wasn’t ever a sister to protect. Us boys, we had one another’s backs when needed. We all knew how to take care of ourselves. I try thinking back to see if there was ever a girl I felt obligated to protect. Other than a random girlfriend here and there growing up, I come back empty-handed. I didn’t even have any cousins growing up because my dad was an only child, as was my mother. It’s always just been me and my brothers.
I know how pissed Brad will be when he finds out the truth. And I know what I’m doing will only hurt him in the future, but for the first time in my life, I don’t care. I’m finally doing exactly what I want. I’m living my life the way I want. I’m not taking orders from my father, brothers, or command. The whole point of this was to live my life the way I wanted as an adult, something I’ve never done. And more than anything, I want her. I want her under me, on top of me, screaming my name, and withering away in the pleasure I cause. I want my name to be the only name that falls from her lips. I want to be the only person she thinks about. I just want her, all of her. And I’m not letting anyone take her away, not anymore. I won’t even try fighting it. All I will do is try hiding it because I’m afraid that if Brad finds out, he’ll kick me out, and she and I will be done.
I try to push all these thoughts away as I make my way to the apartment Monday afternoon. This morning, I had to be at the fire department bright and early. I did my second interview and spent the rest of the day watching training videos and taking tests before I’m allowed to start any kind of physical training. My day was spent sitting in a hard wooden chair, so my back and neck ache. I have all this pent-up energy from not being able to do anything physical.
I let myself into the apartment and Brad is hanging out in the kitchen. The radio is on and I can hear him singing along. I step into the kitchen with a wide smile and watch him sing along to “22” by Taylor Swift while swaying his hips and washing dishes.
He never notices me standing there and when the song wraps up, I give him a round of applause. He jumps, dropping the pot in his hands. “Fuck, man. You scared the shit out of me.”
I can’t hold back my laughter.
“How long you been there?”
“Oh, only since the first chorus. I had no idea you could sing like such a delicate lady. Does Taylor know about you?” I joke, needing to give him shit.
He laughs and shakes his head. “Man, you’re just jealous that you don’t have the voice of an angel like I do.”
I laugh harder as I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge.
“So, how was the training?”
I plop down at the kitchen table. “Shit. I did nothing but watch videos and take tests.”
He snorts. “Well, you didn’t think they’d just send you into a burning building, did you?”
“I kinda hoped so.” I laugh out. “How hard can it be? Save the people, put out the fire.”
He laughs. “I’m sure there’s more to it than that.”
“Apparently, there’s a whole lot more to it than that. I should know. I spent the last six hours learning all about it.”
“So, what’s the plan for tomorrow? More videos?”
I nod. “More videos, more tests. But at the end of the day, they’re going to send me into the simulator.”
“What’s that?” he asks, drawing his brows together.
“It’s this little house thing they have set up. You go in and they fill it with smoke. I have to search through the house for the lives I’m supposed to save. And