as he hammers into me forcefully, unabashedly. One hand comes up to my neck where he gathers my hair in his fist. He twists it and pulls my head back as his hips continue their thrusting. I never liked being held down before. I always felt trapped, like I didn’t have a say. But it’s different with Hudson. I don’t mind being held down by his hands. I don’t feel trapped or stuck. I feel loved, needed. It’s like his hands can’t release me, like they always need to be on my body. I love the pleasure and the tinge of pain he causes me to feel. I’ve felt pleasure during sex before, and I’ve felt pain, but it takes someone truly talented to mix them both together.
I let out a loud moan and call out his name as another release leaves my body, leaving me feeling weak and tired, like I’m floating away. He lets out a growl as his hips work faster, suddenly losing their pace. They’re erratic now, pumping fast and forceful.
“Fuck, Deven,” he calls out. As his hips slow, he empties himself into the condom.
He pulls out of me and I fall to the mattress, rolling onto my side in exhaustion. He slings off the condom and falls beside me. He slides one arm up under my pillow and the other he wraps around my waist. He pulls me against his chest, so my skin is flush with his. He’s damp with sweat and burning up. Still, I find it relaxing. His heart is pounding in his chest, beating so hard I can feel it against my back.
“I don’t know about you, but it never feels this way with anyone else,” I say, enjoying the way he holds me against him.
He squeezes me lightly. “That’s because it’s wrong,” he says, sounding annoyed.
I roll over to face him. His jaw is cocked, so I place my hand on it, trying to get him to relax. “Do you really believe that?”
He doesn’t answer.
“And who is my brother to say what we’re allowed to do anyway? We’re both adults. We know what we’re doing. Just enjoy being here with me.” I rest my head against his chest and close my eyes.
He lets out a long breath. “I do enjoy it. I love the way your soft skin brushes against mine. I love the way you taste. I love the way you moan my name. But it’s all overshadowed by this promise I made to your brother that is now a lie. How can you feel good about something when you’re lying to the one person who’s there for you?”
“Some things are so good, it’s worth lying sometimes,” I respond.
I feel him shake his head. “I don’t know if I can see it that way.”
“You mean if we ended up together, like got married, had kids, and all of that, that you still couldn’t be happy because you and my brother would no longer be friends?”
He shrugs. “I wouldn’t say that. But even in my happiest moments, I’m afraid that I would still think of him and the betrayal and feel guilty. Like it would always be there, just below the surface, ready to strike during my happiest moments. And because of that, we need to keep our distance.” He tries to sit up, but I don’t let him.
“No, I don’t care how guilty you’re feeling right now. You’re not going to fuck me and then kick me out of your room. You’re better than that, Hudson. You’re better than the rest of them. That’s why I chose you.” I place my hand back on his jaw and move my lips to his. I know he’s only trying to run because he’s scared. I’ve been there many times before. But this, this is too good, too perfect to run from.
I pull away from his lips and he lets out a long breath, knowing that I’m right. I rest my head on his chest. He absentmindedly plays with my hair. He runs his finger through it all the way to the ends. When the hair falls back down, he picks up another stand and repeats the process again and again.
“Why were you kicked out of your mom’s house?” he asks, and the question is like being doused in ice water.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I reply, suddenly feeling too exposed. I was just bent every which way, butt-ass naked in front of him, but I feel too vulnerable with