the same. It’ll never hold me over. All I did was delay the inevitable. Sooner or later, I will fuck up and throw caution to the wind. Sooner or later, I will own her again. I just need to figure out how to hold it off and how to get away with it without risking Brad’s and my friendship. I don’t know any other way to go about it. He’s made the rules clear. I agreed. I can’t go back, but I can’t stop either.
I shake my head as I wrap my towel around my waist. Opening the door, I step out into the dark hallway. The apartment is deathly quiet as I enter my room and close the door behind me. I pull on a pair of basketball shorts and slide into bed. My eyes close, and the only thing I see is her, her parted lips, and her dark eyes. I can hear her begging me, making me hard all over again. I’m fighting an endless battle here, one I know I’m destined to lose. It’s a horrible thing to only want the one thing that you know you can’t have. I could have any other woman, so why do I want her?
I force my eyes to stay closed and push her from my mind, instead focusing on my interview at the fire department tomorrow. I need rest if I’m going to pull this off. I’ll need hours and hours of training. I need to bring my A-game, not my sorry I didn’t get enough sleep because I’m mentally torturing myself by imagining my best friend’s sister beneath me game. My body finally gives in, and sleep takes me. Yet, even in sleep, I can’t escape her. I dream of her. I smell her on my fucking pillow and on my sheets. I feel her warmth. I can still taste her.
In the morning, I wake and feel like I haven’t gotten any sleep at all. My body is stiff and tired, and I feel like I didn’t move all night long. With a groan, I sit up and push the blankets back. I roll my neck and listen as it pops a dozen times before I push myself out of bed to use the bathroom and grab a drink. When I exit the bathroom, I find her sound asleep on the couch in the living room. I gaze down at her beautiful face as she sleeps. Her long, dark lashes are fanned out across her cheeks, and her lips slightly parted. She looks completely at ease, which is a nice change. She’s beautiful, but she always looks like she’s stressed or annoyed. Hell, living with me, she probably is.
“What are you doing?” Brad asks, stepping out of the kitchen to find me standing and watching her sleep.
I wave him off. “I was just thinking about drawing something on her face to see how long it would take her to notice,” I lie, walking past him to grab a glass of water.
He chuckles as he follows me back into the kitchen. “That would be some funny shit. What were you thinking about drawing? I got some markers in my room.”
I laugh. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be an ass. I was just about to forget about it when you walked in.”
“Nah, this is great. It’s something a big brother would do. I’m glad you’re treating her like she’s your own sister. Makes me proud to call you my friend.” He walks up and hugs me quickly, making me feel as low as dirt. Fuck. I’m really fucking this up. I can’t trade Brad over for a good time with his sister, no matter how life changing, earth shatteringly perfect it would be. I have to put a stop to these thoughts I’m having about her. I have to keep my eyes and hands to myself for that matter. It’s not hard. I’ve been in the army, fought wars, grew up with four older brothers. I can handle one tiny woman.
I quickly drink down my water and then head back to my bedroom to get dressed. When I walk out, Deven and Brad are both in the kitchen arguing over breakfast.
She looks at me. “Hudson, what do you want? Eggs or French toast?”
“Sorry, I can’t be your tie breaker today, guys. I have an interview at the fire department.”
“What? That’s great, buddy,” Brad says.
Deven smiles, but her eyes glaze over. “Yeah, good luck. Firemen are hot!”