Imagine how I feel. Drinking my morning coffee. Scrolling through emails. And being forced to see your pool boy’s sausage.
-Poppy
My late grandma Lucie’s sisters’ relationship revolves heavily around Poppy doing everything she can to rile her sister up. It’s maybe not the healthiest thing I’ve ever witnessed, but I kind of hope it never ends. Though, just like all good things—including this email thread—I imagine it will have to at some point.
Real messages eventually sorted, I scroll back up to the top of my inbox to delete the spam before backing out of my email entirely and moving on to something else.
Facebook—a new website for college kids to connect with one another—is all anyone in my senior year of high school could talk about, and since I’m officially in college, I was invited to start my own account.
So far, I only have a handful of friends on here, but when I log in to my profile, I spot a little red icon that indicates new friend requests.
I take a swig of water as I click on it and, upon reading it, promptly spew a mixture of H2O and spit everywhere.
You have a new friend request from Callie Camden.
Holy shit. Callie freaking Camden.
Her superficial smile and perfectly made-up face stare back at me from her profile picture as I wipe spittle off every neighboring surface and the front of my shirt. It’s a bad idea—I can see it from a mile away—but I can’t stop myself from clicking on her name and scoping out her account.
It’s almost impossible to believe we used to be best friends in elementary school.
She pouts her lips and makes devil’s horns in front of our high school football field, her psycho-cheerleader persona ever important in the popularity-driven appearance of her profile picture.
I scroll down her newsfeed to the notification of a new status and read through it with poorly concealed distaste.
CoLLeGe oRiEnTaTiOn LOLZ
The photo attached shows her wearing a scrap of clothing barely big enough to cover her nipples and holding up a red Solo cup while a party rages behind her.
I roll my eyes at the expected cliché. Honestly, this photo fits perfectly with the million and one annoying memories I have of her from high school.
For four years, Callie and her bitchy groupies Carrie and Connie—otherwise known as The CiCi’s—made it a point to let me know they thought they were better than me. Prettier than me. More popular than me. Blah, blah, blah.
So far, I can’t see that she’s making any effort to change.
With a middle finger flipped toward her stupid face, I ignore her friend request—because, no thanks, I prefer to keep my distance from satanic prom queens—but with nothing better to do, I can’t stop myself from spying on her profile a little more.
Photos of her totally awesome summer and her totally hot boyfriend Kyle. Posts about how much she loves her totally amazing dorm room at the University of Vermont.
Basically, everything is just totally perfect in Callie Camden’s life.
Gag me.
Without delay, I click out of her phony profile and start to check up on a few of my actual friends from high school, but I don’t get very far before I catch a dancing red and orange glowing light out of the corner of my eye.
My neck spasms as I jerk my head in the direction of the aura, and my eyes widen so far, they test the constraints of my lids.
Holy Shit! My hot plate is on fire!
I haven’t even officially started college yet, and I’ve already set my dorm room on fire while my roommate Desi is out for the night at some frat party? And I thought my messy tendencies would be the thing to put her over the edge.
This can’t be happening!
“What the hell do I do?” I screech into the void.
I try like hell to remember anything I’ve learned about fire safety in as few seconds as possible, but when all I can come up with is Stop, Drop, and Roll, full-blown panic sets in.
I manically search my dorm room for something, anything, to fix this, but the anxiety is too much.
Before I can stop myself, I sprint toward the door, in the direction of the hallway.
Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing this, but whatever I’m planning on doing comes to a complete stop when—bam!—I barrel into something just outside my door.