Besotted (The Fairest Maidens #3) - Jody Hedlund Page 0,48
him.”
Her shoulders deflated, and she rested the pestle. “He is a good man. And he made you come alive as I have never before seen.”
The tears welled up even faster now. It was true. My existence had been so limited and everything in my life so carefully controlled, until I’d met him. Perhaps this was one of the reasons—in addition to sheltering me from Queen Margery—why my aunts and Chester had wanted to keep me away from everyone and everything, for fear that something like this might happen.
“Oh my.” Aunt Elspeth rose from her loom, her face wreathed with worry. “I know exactly what my sweeting needs to cheer her. Boiled eggs and hot porridge.”
I couldn’t tell her I’d lost my appetite or that nothing could cheer me. As she bustled past me, she patted my head, and I forced a smile at the dear woman.
Aunt Idony’s face took on a haggard, aged appearance, as if the trials of this life were beginning to catch up to her. “Perhaps we should have allowed you more opportunities in recent years. If we had, maybe you wouldn’t have been drawn to the first handsome man who came your way.”
“Do you think me so shallow and naïve that I would cast aside good judgment and accept just any man?”
Aunt Idony shook her head, hanging it lower. “No, Your Majesty. As I said, he is a fine man. But as you have never before been around men and experienced love, ’tis only natural you would long for such things.”
Was she right? Had I fallen for Kresten simply because he was the first man to come along? Something told me I wouldn’t have had the same reaction to Jorg if he’d been the one I met instead. No, I hadn’t felt the slightest attraction to Jorg, just as I never had to Chester.
“My feelings for Kresten are real and true. I will never love anyone else the way I do him.”
“Perhaps not. But the truth is this: You were born to be queen. As such, you must put the love of your people and country above your personal desires.”
I’d never expected to have any personal desires that superseded my royal duties. Until now. Until Kresten.
Maybe if I loved the people and my country, I could more willingly sacrifice my future happiness with Kresten. But there was a part of me that lacked empathy and devotion for a people I didn’t know and a country I’d never seen, except for the occasions traveling to Huntwell Fortress.
I didn’t say as much to Aunt Idony. I knew what her response would be, that I couldn’t base decisions on feelings alone, that I must use sound reasoning, logic, and God’s wisdom instead. And that meant regardless of how I felt about Kresten, I had to do what was best for my country.
Aunt Elspeth returned to the table carrying a bowl filled to the brim with steaming porridge. She placed it in front of me along with a hard-boiled egg. The heat and the comforting scent of the porridge didn’t offer me the usual solace. Neither did her gentle squeeze of my arm.
I released the scarf and let it pool in my lap. I stirred the porridge and blew on it while Aunt Elspeth hovered nearby, waiting for me to eat.
“Once you have time to gain perspective,” Aunt Idony continued, “you will come to see the situation differently.”
“And what if I do not ever see it differently?”
“Time and distance almost always make us view our situations with new wisdom.”
I couldn’t imagine my feelings for Kresten ever changing, but what other choice did I have but to accept the course set out before me, one established for me since my birth? I loved Kresten but had only known him for a month. I couldn’t destroy my future, and possibly harm my country, based on my whims.
“Very well,” I said, gathering the last of my inner fortitude, “I shall do my best to move forward and fulfill my duties.”
I lifted a spoonful of porridge and took a tiny bite to show my gratefulness to Aunt Elspeth. But my conversation with Aunt Idony had left a bitter taste in my mouth. Only because she was right. About everything. And I had no wish to acknowledge it.
Deep inside, I’d known from the start that a relationship with Kresten was doomed. That’s why I’d tried to end it before it could truly begin. If only I’d tried harder. Now, I’d not only brought heartache to