Bereft - Jennifer Foor Page 0,15

for my future, if I wanted to have one.

“This isn’t over, Rachel. I’ll give you space, but I’m going to keep stopping by until you change your mind. We’ll fix this, no matter how much time it takes.”

“Goodbye, Grayson,” I managed to get out before he closed the door behind him. It killed me inside knowing each and every time I pushed him away he could be running to be with her. I hated myself for thinking it. I wanted to believe he was sorry. More than anything I wanted him to hold me and make the pain subside. It just wasn’t going to happen, because he was the cause of the pain. He was the reason I couldn’t sleep, eat, or go into public without breaking down. I feared running into someone I knew who would ask about my family – about Grayson. We lived in a small area in the suburbs of Baltimore. Even though Maryland was a tiny state, it was overpopulated. Thankfully, we found a little historic town located near the train station, where I could ride into D.C. instead of having to commute by car. Amenities were an easy drive as well. The grocery store was less than a mile away, and there was a family-owned hardware store next to it. If we wanted to go big time shopping, or to a mall, we’d have to drive about thirty minutes. The people I didn’t want to run into were the neighbors – every one of them. People were nosey. Most of mine were friendly to a fault. They knew everything about everything. I wondered how many had seen Kyla at my house and wondered if she was screwing around with my husband. I was curious to know if they’d been seen in public. The thought caused me to cringe. There was no way I could face the scrutiny I’d receive. I couldn’t hear their whispers and not assume they were talking about me. I didn’t want to.

“Lord, please help me through this,” I kept repeating in my head.

I stepped over to the window and peeked outside, watching him get in his vehicle. For a few minutes he sat there with his hands covering his face. I could tell he was breaking down from the way his body was shaking. I put my hand over my face to try and contain the emotional pull it gave me. It was difficult seeing him in pain, and not being able to run to him. I had to be strong. I had to keep reminding myself that he was the enemy, for the moment at least. Until I could face him and not want to strangle the life from his body, it was best we were apart.

When he finally pulled out of the driveway I felt both relieved and alone.

Why was this happening to me?

I spent the night on the couch again, my eyes wide open, unable to close for fear of what I’d see when I fell asleep. This was the second night I’d gone without rest, and it was taking a toll on my sanity. When early morning came and I still couldn’t relax, I guzzled the remainder of the bourbon, while holding my nose to elude the strong taste. I don’t know how long it took it to do it’s job, but eventually I found peace and passed out.

I didn’t dream for the few hours my body rested. The morning sun awakened me, alongside of a killer headache. My cell phone had died sometime during the night. After taking some pain killers, I plugged it into the charger and decided two days was far too long to go without showering. The hot beads of water was almost as good as a deep tissue massage. I became more alert, and while I stood under the stream of the steaming waterfall. I started to see things in a different perspective. It was obvious I couldn’t spend the rest of my life hiding out in a pair of overstretched yoga pants. I had to be strong, no matter what the outcome. I had to find resolution, because the ball was in my corner.

For the time being, I needed to focus on something other than my marriage. I was going to take the job with Chad, and hopefully it would keep me occupied, and help time heal my wounds. If not, at least I’d have money to feed my new bourbon habit.

Chapter 6

Rachel

“Chad, it’s me, Rachel.”

“Caller I.D. has been out