quietly. I'm not ignorant to the fact that I couldn't be without him either, but you don't see me spiraling into breakdown and controlling him.
He shakes his head and then starts chewing his lip. What's he thinking? 'You looked relieved when the Doctor said you weren't pregnant.' He fixes me with an enquiring eye.
Oh no!
Oh no no no! I could be pregnant. I could be fucking pregnant. Yes, it was negative, but it's only been a week since I finished my period and it's way too early to detect if I am. Fucking hell, we've been having sex like rabbits and with no protection.
I look anywhere but at him. 'I missed a pill.' I feel his hand shift and close around mine and I look up cautiously, finding his accusing eyes and an arched brow. 'I missed a few, I lost them again.' I confess.
'You've not replaced them?'
'I forgot.' I shrug, like the feeble loser that I am.
He studies me for a while. I feel like I'm under a microscope that identifies useless idiots. 'Okay. So when did you last take your pill?'
'Only a few days ago.' I answer quietly. I'm lying through the skin of my teeth, fighting my hand from delving into my hair. I can't believe I've been nearly a whole week and not replaced them.
'So you'll replace them?'
'Tomorrow.' I confirm. That is one appointment I'm not looking forward to, and damn I'm too late to munch on a morning after pill.
A funny look passes over his face. Regret? Okay, I've dismissed the thought before, but that look has just put me on a major high alert. I would say he wouldn't do such a thing, but I can't put it past him. I wouldn't put anything past him.
'Jesse,' I pause, not knowing how to piece together what I'm about to imply.
'What?' he asks, looking cautious and actually slightly guilty. He knows what I'm thinking, I know he does, and I'm super suspicious now. He can't have seriously been trying to get me pregnant? But if he has been hiding them, then he knows damn well I've not been taking them for a week. Or did he think I'd replaced them already?
'Nothing.' I say, shaking my head. I know he won't admit it, so I'm playing dumb, but I'll be searching every square inch of this penthouse at the first opportunity.
'Your brother rang.' he says casually, in an obvious attempt to distract me from my drifting thoughts - the thoughts he knows I'm having.
I straighten up. It's worked. 'Dan?'
'Yes.'
'You spoke to him?'
He gives me a dubious look. 'Well, I couldn't leave it ringing constantly, he would have been worried. And why is there a lock on your phone?'
I laugh to myself. I wonder how many combinations he tried to unlock it. 'It didn't stop you answering, though, did it? What did you say to my brother?' My voice is slightly panicked which is fine because I'm panicking. Dan will be straight on the phone to Mum and this on top of everything else is not something I want to be explaining.
'Well, I didn't tell him what had happened. I don't want your family thinking that I can't look after you. He said you were supposed to be seeing him.' He looks at me like I've committed a serious sin for not telling him of my plans, even though there are no firm plans yet.
'You told him I'm living with you, didn't you.' My lips straighten.
'Yes.' He is completely unapologetic.
I could kill him! 'Jesse, what have you done?' I drop my head onto his shoulder in hopelessness.
'Hey, look at me.' He sounds angry again. I drag my head away from its resting place and look at him with all the misery I feel. His frown line has joined the argument. 'Don't you think he would've been worried if I had left your phone to ring off continuously?'
This is awful - my worst nightmare. Dan had undoubtedly called my parents.
He pulls me down onto his chest and I notice his heart bucking wildly. 'I'm going for a run. You take a shower. I'll get something to eat while I'm out.'
He's going for a run? That's my fault. 'Can't you stay?' I ask into his chest. I don't want him to go.
'No.' He lifts me and directs me into the bathroom. 'In the shower.' He turns it on and leaves me in the bathroom feeling affronted and worried. He never wants to leave me.