it's impossible, especially with three tarts out there having a good old chinwag about my God's sexual capabilities.
'Oh, me too.' Voice number one adds, and I stand there with my jaw on the toilet floor, waiting for voice number two to pipe up and make it a clean sweep.
'Well, I don't know about you two, but he was too good to give up trying.' Voice number two totally finishes me off.
I can't listen to this shit. I flush the chain, silencing all three, and make sure my dress isn't tucked into my bodice before I swing the door open and walk casually out of the cubicle. I smile politely at the three women, all with some sort of make-up suspended in front of their faces, staring completely flummoxed at me as I make my way to a mirror at the other end of the bathroom. I calmly wash my hands and dry them before topping up my gloss, all in silence and under the wary eyes of the three brazen hussies at the other end of the ladies'. I waltz past and leave the bathroom without a word, my dignity still firmly intact.
My heart is jumping and my legs are slightly shaky, but I make it to the entrance hall still standing. That was horrific, and while I knew that Jesse has dabbled, did I really consider the extent of it. Hearing those women talk about him like that has me more upset than mad. He really has put it about...everywhere...with a lot of women. I think I need a cigarette too.
I know I audibly groan when Sarah steps out from the doorway that usually serves the restaurant. She's been waiting for this moment all night and after what I've just endured, I'm feeling even less tolerant of her than usual. I'm facing the fourth woman in as many minutes - no, probably seconds - who Jesse has fucked. I feel sick and in no mood for Sarah and her viper gob, but I also don't want to have a catfight in my stupidly expensive gown.
'Sarah, you've done an amazing job tonight.' I say courteously. I'll get in first with the pleasantries so there is no mistaking my attempt to keep things civil, even though it is taking every ounce of strength I have.
She folds an arm under her already high chest, boosting it further while holding her sloe gin in front of her mouth. Her posture and body language scream superiority, and I'm bracing myself for the inevitable warning.
'Did you collect your gift bag from the table?' she asks on a smile.
It throws me completely. She's changed her tone. I thought we were past faking pleasantries, especially when Jesse's not around. 'No, I didn't.' I answer warily. After seeing Kate's face, I really didn't want it.
She broadens her smile. 'Oh, that's a shame. There was something in there that may have been of use to you.'
'Like what?' I can't help the curiosity in my voice. What's her game?
'The vibrator. I noticed yours was left in a million pieces on Jesse's bedroom floor.'
'Pardon?' I blurt on a laugh.
She smiles slyly, and I dread the words I know she's about to say. 'Yes, when I rescued him on Wednesday morning after you left him handcuffed to his bed,' She shakes her head. 'Not a wise move.'
My stomach falls into my heels as I watch her weighing up my reaction to her information overload. Jesse called Sarah? When he was bollock naked, handcuffed to the bed and with a vibrator next to him, he chose Sarah to come and release him?
What?
I thought John freed him. Why did I think that? I can't even reflect that far back. At the moment, I'm just looking at the nasty creature stood in front of me, smugly delighting in my misery. I'm going to kill him, but first I'm going to wipe that sly smile off of her botox pumped face.
'Have you ever heard of tit tape, Sarah?' I ask coolly. Her face drops, as do her eyes to her chest. I start walking forward. Oh, she is so getting trampled!
'Excuse me?' she laughs.
'Tit tape. It's widely known to keep breasts secure, or...' I shake my head. 'Of course, it's your intention to assault people's eyes with your overinflated chest.' I stop in front of her. 'Less is more, Sarah. Have you ever heard of that saying? You would do well to remember it, especially at your age.'