Been There Done That (Leffersbee #1) - Hope Ellis Page 0,44

to handle this moment right here.”

I looked into the evergreen eyes that I’d once known as well as my own, feeling an unexpected twinge, a dull throb of shared misery.

“Me either,” I admitted.

A waiter delivered a basket of bread, providing merciful respite to yet another painful round of silence. I ordered soup, Nick ordered an appetizer, and we both promised to review the dinner offerings before the waiter’s departure.

“I want to be clear,” I said, drawing myself up to my full height. “Only straightforward, honest communication going forward. No matter how hard it might be for either of us. I can’t be an effective consultant if I’m always looking around the corner for the next surprise.” Or back, I acknowledged to myself. I can’t keep going back to live in the desolation of the past. Like my mother always said, all anyone has is the current day. I could only make the best of where we were now, going forward.

He nodded, acknowledging my statement.

“And,” I continued, “it’s clear you’ve done well for yourself. I imagine there’s a host of people that work for you who are trained to jump at your command.” I met his gaze. “I’m not one of those people.”

He swallowed. “I understand. Completely. I agree. I—”

“And,” I continued, “I’m here because my university wants to see this collaboration with you work. That’s the only reason. I don’t care who has me in a hold—if I decide I don’t want to be here, I won’t be. If there are any more surprises, I’m leaving.”

He nodded again, lips pressed together.

“I will leave,” I repeated.

“Got that. Loud and clear.”

We both looked elsewhere as silence resettled over the table. A muscle ticked at his temple. I picked at my cuticles.

“I really am grateful,” he said finally. “I want this collaboration to work too. It’s our first launch of this particular program and we’re committed to ensuring it goes well. They set the condition of training our docs before closing, and I’m happy to comply. It certainly goes a long way to improving the service we’re selling and providing on our end. I just regret that you got caught up in this.”

I stopped myself from saying, It’s okay.

Because it wasn’t.

“So,” Nick said, gaze on his menu, “how have you been?”

“God.” I laughed. “This is really awful. It’s like the world’s worst date. Only in reverse. Here, let me raise the stakes, let’s see how much more uncomfortable I can make this. How many sexual partners have you had?”

He coughed, color blooming in his cheeks. “Uh, yep. That definitely made it worse.” The tension around his eyes relaxed. “Thanks for that.” His thumb stroked the base of his water glass, smearing the gathering drops of condensation. My attention was automatically riveted to the slow, methodical movement. “You always could do that, you know? Make things better. I was always grateful for that.”

I opened my menu, resisted the words begging to leap from tongue: I was grateful for you too, and I miss you, and I hate that I miss you. I wish you’d never left. I wish we were sitting on the same side of the table, under far more friendly circumstances.

“In a way, you’re right.” He lifted a shoulder. “We are starting over in a lot of ways and getting to know each other again.”

I nodded, my gaze moving down the list of entrees in the menu. Was lasagna a good antidote to heartache? Or was that fettucine alfredo? I couldn’t remember what my mother had told me all those years ago.

“Although not, I mean, I didn’t intend to insinuate it was in any romantic context, at all. Not that . . . I mean, I’m just . . . Jackson—” He cut himself off just as my eyes lifted to his. He swallowed, looking like he wanted to say more.

Interesting.

I hadn’t thought he’d made that insinuation at all. What was wrong with him? He’d never been this off-balance, even in the worst of times.

I threw him a rope. “Yes, Jackson. My—uh—partner.”

His jaw went taut. “I’m sure he’s changed a lot since high school. I just—old habits die hard, I guess. All that matters is your happiness.”

Thank God for Jackson and our arrangement. I knew better than to define myself by the presence or absence of a romantic partner. But having a boyfriend prop took some of the sting out of the situation. Having to sit across from Playboy Nick and admit my real relationship partners were my work laptop, index finger,