Been There Done That (Leffersbee #1) - Hope Ellis Page 0,138
She runs a patient advocacy organization out of London and said I could shadow her to learn more.”
Leigh sighed. “That’s why you’re going to London?”
My smile faltered.
“Just be honest. It’s me. You can always be honest with me.”
“I miss him so much.” I swiped away a tear. “Even now, when I should be so happy I’ve finally figured things out, all I want is him here with me.” I sniffled. “No offense.”
“None taken.”
“I’m gonna call him when I get to London.”
“Why do you have to wait until then?”
I let out a shuddery breath. “Because if I see him, if I lay eyes on him, I won’t be able to help myself. And as much as I want him, and as much as I want a future with him, I need to be thinking clearly.”
“Okay.”
“Alright. Will you drop me off at the airport Wednesday?”
“That’s two days away.”
“I know.” I shrugged. “It’s hard being here. Getting some distance might help.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Zora
“You got your passport?”
Outside, the highway passed in a blur of green leaves, grass, and gray cement.
“Yes, Mother,” I teased, trying to work myself up to a cheerful mood. It wasn’t working.
Leigh was unusually quiet. I didn’t think it was disapproval I sensed from her. More like nervousness.
Another equally viable possibility?
I’d projected my own anxiety onto her.
The farther we drove outside of Green Valley, the more my inner disquiet grew. It was a huge breakthrough to have finally figured out what I wanted and how I would get it.
I had a new career path to look forward to.
Yay.
The initial rush of assurance, the glow of satisfaction? It diminished more and more each day. My grief over losing Nick was like gangrene. It was slowly killing me, choking off all sensation. Blunting any joy. Rendering the world colorless.
London will be better, I told myself.
Right. Rainy, gray, Nick-less London will be better.
Sure.
God, my inner voice was a bully.
Signs announcing proximity to the airport caught my eye.
“Thank you for everything, Leigh.”
She glanced at me. “What are you thanking me for?”
“Well, for being you. For being such a good friend. For putting up with me these past few months.”
She shrugged. “You put up with me year-round. So.”
I nodded. “So.”
“You sure you wanna go?”
I turned my head in her direction, shocked by the question.
“We’re already at the airport.”
“That isn’t what I asked you. I asked if you still wanted to go. That’s what I want to know.”
I felt her gaze on my face.
“Because I will turn this car around. We’ll head right back to Green Valley. I’ll take you to Nick myself, if that’s you want.”
The words sent a thrill of hope through me.
Back.
Back to Nick.
Yes, please.
No. Be a big girl. Stick to your guns.
But I’m so unhappy without him. I miss him so much.
“God, it’s like I can hear your internal debate over there, like you’re Sméagol and Gollum arguing over the Precious.”
She took the exit for the airport.
My palms sweated.
“No.” I sucked in a breath. “This is for the best. Just . . . just drop me off at Departures. I’ll get my life together while I’m in London. I’ll come back refreshed and confident and sure.”
And miserable.
“You think London is going to do all that for you?”
“I thought you hated Nick.”
“I did. I hated what he did to you. And then I met him. Really met him, talked to him. And I saw the two of you together. I understand a little better, I think, how close your bond is and why it hurt so much to be away. Plus, I called The Redhead.”
I grinned. “Of course you did.”
“You knew I would. Turns out she’s not really a redhead, she’s a gorgeous brunette like yours truly. And she’s a state senator in Michigan.”
“Really?!”
“Yes! She said she totally initiated it, and that she’d been laying down hints he’d been ignoring for over a year. Said she wanted to cheer him up because he was always so sad about the girlfriend he’d left.”
My chest burned. “Damn.”
“Plus, what he did? It really was a selfless act. He did it so you could win this thing. It’s not like he wants to live in Green Valley full-time. He wanted you to have what you deserved. Even if it costs him.”
She drove past the exit for my airline.
“No, wait. You wanna go that way.” I gestured to the lane we were rapidly passing.
She kept driving, talking, as if she hadn’t heard me.
“I saw how much he cared about you. You can’t fake that, the love he has for you.