Been There Done That (Leffersbee #1) - Hope Ellis Page 0,11

maintaining household expenses.

He’d blinked, resurfacing from his pot-induced haze. “Of course not,” he’d responded, his tone implying an unspoken “dummy.” “I manage her portfolio.”

That was the beginning of a friendship, a partnership, a brotherhood that endured early failures and all the pitfalls of burgeoning success. Eddie was still the same guy. Slow to anger, patient, direct. While growing success had produced a growing sense of anxiety in me, Eddie had only grown more still and stalwart in the face of exploding growth and risky gambles.

“Nick. I know we pumped a lot of money into this app, but—”

“That’s right. I’m gonna make sure we see a return on our investment.”

No. There was no way I could tell him what had really brought me here. I’d done my best not to think about this town. Not to look back. And I for damn sure didn’t discuss it with Eddie. Let him think it was solely about the business and the money. Maybe, on some level, it was.

The lies you tell yourself . . .

“At some point, it’s just money,” Eddie said, stating a position I’d heard from him many times before. It annoyed me every time. If money didn’t matter, why the fuck were we in business?

“I’d love to hear you share that philosophy with our shareholders. Oh, that’s right.” I gave a teasing chuckle. “That’s why the PR firm banned you from all public speaking.”

He let out a short laugh. “Listen to me. It’s not worth having you live out in the sticks indefinitely, just for a better quarter. It’s not like we don’t already have enough money. We’re swimming in it. We’re already doing well. How many houses and cars do you need to buy?”

“There’s no such as thing as too much money.”

He’ll probably need to meditate for hours after this conversation.

“Nick, listen to me.” Eddie’s tone gentled. “I don’t know what it’ll take for you to finally realize it’s okay. You’re not where you were. You’re in a vastly different position. We’re not struggling to get this thing off the ground anymore or dancing for investments. The wolf isn’t at your door anymore, man. Hell, the wolf could never get past all your gated security, even if he could figure out which house you’re in for the moment. Let go of the past.”

Not for the first time, I reflected that only those who’d never had the opportunity to gain a healthy fear of the proverbial wolf made those kinds of statements. I doubted I’d ever get Eddie to understand how a lifetime of only just escaping that wolf, of always hearing its menacing growl in the background of every pleading phone call to the landlord or utility company, had fundamentally shaped me.

Fear of returning to the wretched uncertainty of poverty had rewired my DNA, imprinted on my mind, wound me up. Nothing was a given. Ask any person, any family living on the margins of survival and they’ll tell you: All it takes is one roll of the dice, one ill-fated turn on the wheel of fate to reduce your life to ruins. One missed check, one unexpected expense, one badly timed crisis.

I doubted I could ever tell Eddie about the shame I’d felt after my mother went missing for four days before she resurfaced. My shame hadn’t solely grown from the cause of her absence. I’d been ashamed because my first thought was wondering if I could afford to bury her if she’d died.

“Nick?”

I shook my head, returning to the present.

“Nick, you okay?” It was hard to miss the concern, the worry in his voice.

“I’m fine. But Eddie—this matters. I’m seeing it through.”

“Fine. Are you back for the meeting tomorrow?” Eddie sounded resigned.

“Yeah. I’m flying in tomorrow, late afternoon. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow morning here. Last minute details.”

That was a hell of an understatement. The prospect of seeing Zora again, without an audience, had me suppressing a myriad of impossible desires. I wanted answers from her. That’s it.

I lie best when it’s to myself.

Eddie exhaled noisily.

“We built this company together, Eddie. Every step of the way. You know I’d never drop the ball or risk our investment. You know you can trust me.”

Silence on the line.

When Eddie came back, his voice was quieter. “My concerns aren’t limited to business. I want to see this company thrive as much as you do, you know. But we’re also friends.”

“Here comes the sappy shit.” I heaved a pretend sigh. I never missed an opportunity to bust his balls. But he