Bed of Roses Page 0,113

glanced up at the waitress. "Morphine. A double."

"Ha-ha," she said.

"Try the tea," Carter suggested.

"I'm not quite that bad. Yet. Coffee, regular. How is she, Carter?"

"She's okay. There's a lot of work right now. June is . . . It's insane, actually. She's putting in a lot of hours. They all are. And she spends a lot of time at home. One of them usually goes over, at least for a while, in the evenings. Her mother came over, and I know that was pretty emotional. Mac told me. That's the double-agent part. Emma doesn't talk about any of this with me. I'm not the enemy, exactly, but . . ."

"I get it. I haven't gone by the bookstore either because I don't think Lucia wants to see me. I feel like I should be wearing a sign."

Caught between annoyance and misery, Jack slumped back in his seat. "Del can't go over there either.

Parker decree. God, it's not like I cheated on her or smacked her around or . . . And yes, I'm trying to justify. How can I tell her I'm sorry if I can't talk to her?"

"You can practice what you're going to say when you can say it."

"I've been doing a lot of that. Is it like this for you, Carter?"

"Actually, I'm allowed to talk to Mac."

"I meant - "

"I know. Yes, it's like that. She's the light. Before, you can fumble around in the dark, or manage in the dim. You don't even know it's dim because that's the way it's always been. But then, she's the light. Everything changes."

"If the light shuts off, or worse, if you're stupid enough to shut it off yourself, it's a hell of a lot darker than it was before."

Carter shifted forward. "I think, to get the light back, you have to give her a reason. What you say is one part, but what you do, that's the big one. I think."

Jack nodded, then pulled out his phone when it signaled. "It's Parker. Okay. Okay. Yeah?" he said when he answered. "Is she - What? Sorry. Okay. Thanks. Parker - Okay. I'll be there."

He closed the phone. "They opened the door. I have to go, Carter. There are things I need to - "

"Go ahead. I'll get this."

"Thanks. God, I feel a little sick. You could wish me a whole shitload of luck."

"A whole shitload of luck, Jack."

"I think I'll need it." He shoved out, strode quickly to the door. Jack arrived at the main house at exactly the time Parker specified. He didn't want to piss her off. Twilight fell softly, sweet with the perfume of flowers. His palms were sweaty. For the second time in more years than he could count, he rang the bell. She answered. The gray suit, and the smooth roll of hair at the nape of her neck told him she hadn't changed from work mode. One look at her - so neat, so fresh, so lovely, made him realize how much he'd missed her.

"Hello, Parker."

"Come in, Jack."

"I wondered if I'd ever hear you say that again."

"She's ready to talk to you, so I'm ready to let you talk to her."

"Are you and I never going to be friends again?"

She looked at him, then cupped his face, kissed him lightly. "You look terrible. That goes in your favor."

"Before I talk to Emma, I want to tell you, it would've killed me to lose you. You, Laurel, Mac. It would've killed me."

This time she put her arms around him, let him hold on. "Family forgives." She gave him a squeeze before stepping back.

"What choice do we have? I'm going to give you two options, Jack, and you'll pick when you go to Emma. The first. If you don't love her - "

"Parker, I - "

"No, you don't tell me. If you don't love her, if you can't give her what she needs and wants - not just for her, but for yourself - make it a clean break. She's already forgiven you, and she'll accept it. Don't promise her what you can't give or don't want. She'd never get over that, and you'll never be happy. Second option. If you love her, if you can give her what she needs and wants - not just for her, but for yourself - I can tell you what to do, what will make the difference."

"Then tell me."

S HE WORKED LATE AND ALONE, AS SHE DID MOST NIGHTS NOW. That would have to stop soon, Emma thought.