Becoming Juliet - Paula Marinaro Page 0,54

then enlighten me.” P.J.’s tone had begun to shift. He seemed impatient, frustrated. “Because from the minute I met you, Juliet, that’s all I have wanted was answers.”

“But you never asked the questions.”

“No. I never asked because you never gave me the chance.” P.J. crossed his arms over his chest. “And besides, I knew you’d lie.”

Juliet remained silent because there was nothing to say. What P.J. had said was true. She would have lied to him then. And to Juliet’s shame, she knew that if P.J. pressed and probed her now, she would still lie.

P.J. knew it too…he saw it in her eyes, in the way she turned from him. P.J. felt a surge of anger rise within him. Because here they were, back there again. Back to that black, hooded, haunted place.

“Talk to me, Juliet.” He said in a voice that was strong…commanding.

Juliet’s eyes lit with conflicted emotion when she answered him. “I don’t know what you want, P.J. But whatever it is, I can pretty much guarantee that I can’t give it to you. I don’t want to lie to you, but I won’t tell you the truth either. I won’t share my sad story.” Juliet exhaled as if releasing an age old burden. “The thing I need most is to put the past behind me. I don’t need to talk about it or make peace with it. Or even be rescued from it. There is nothing you can do or say that will help. The only chance I have is to forget and to start over.” Now Juliet pulled the sleeves of her sweater over the scars on her wrists. “The only way I will survive the past is to bury it.”

“Are you saying this stops here? That this thing between us stops now, Juliet?” The violence of his disappointment made P.J.’s jaw clench while the biceps that were crossed against his chest tightened and flexed.

“I’m saying I’m not available in the way you might need me to be.” Juliet tried and failed to stop the tears that welled up in her eyes.

“Because of him?” P.J. snarled.

“Because of me.” Juliet said brokenly.

“Who’s the picture on the license? What does that woman have to do with you, Juliet?” Then P.J. threw his hands up in the air in angry accusation. “Juliet! Hah!” Is that even your goddamn name?!”

In answer, Juliet stood firm and drew her mouth into a hard, thin line.

And that’s when P.J. began to stab a pointed finger in the air and fire questions at Juliet in loud, rapid, succession. Juliet watched on in disheartened incredulity as P.J. huffed and puffed and tried to blow her house down.

Then in one final attempt, he bellowed out. “If you don’t talk to me, Juliet. Then it ends here. It ends now.”

Juliet looked at P.J. and saw his strength, his pride, his determination. She saw the way his body tensed with controlled violence. She thought of the night she had spent in his arms, of the way she had felt warm, protected, and loved. Juliet wanted to trust him, she did. But when she began to reach for him, when she stretched her hand towards him, the light glinted off the thick keloid scar on her wrist. A sad souvenir of how bad things could get, and how far she had come. She just didn’t trust what it would mean to open herself up to him.

“I mean it. You don’t tell me what you’re running from then it ends here.” He repeated with a glare.

“Then it ends here.” Juliet glared right back at him.

“You are one fucking stubborn woman!” P.J. roared at Juliet. When she remained unmoved by his thundering anger, P.J. made a mighty fist, and punched a hole straight through the wall. Then he stuffed his feet back into his still wet and muddy boots, grabbed his jacket and stomped back out into the dying storm.

Juliet looked at the door as it slammed shut behind P.J. in a thud that was strong enough to shake the house. Then she sighed deeply, and began to clear off the table because really, Juliet did not have the luxury of stomping off the way P.J. had. Her shoes had not made it out of the mud, and the last time Juliet had seen her jacket, it had been a tattered, muddy, thing lying on top of the trash. Her phone! Juliet’s phone had been in her pocket. The thought had barely formed when she heard a ringtone sound out from